Summer.
It’s the best of times. It’s the
worst of times. Great for unstructured,
free play, staying up late on weeknights, hours spent outside in the sun. Not so good for unstructured, free play,
staying up late on weeknights, hours spent outside in the sun... You get the idea. Too much of a good thing can actually be a
bad thing. This is something I have
realized after about a month of summer vacation. Something else that has come to fruition
around this time are bad attitudes. I have a lot in my arsenal to keep boredom at bay- paints, puzzles, books, tablet games, water toys and even workbooks- but even with all these, the kids
inevitably become bored sometimes.
That’s when the ‘tude starts and disrespect creeps in. It’s not just from my soon-to-be seven year
old, either. My sweet toddler can be a “threenager” as well.
I know I can’t blame it all on boredom
though. Unfortunately, it will always be
there, lurking in the background, no matter what season it is:
misbehavior. And as a mom, it is my job
to confront this problem head on. I’ll
be honest, my children’s disobedience is awfully inconvenient. I would much rather slap a band-aid on the
problem and continue on my merry way than take the time to get to the root of
it.
All too often, I fall into
the trap of being defensive instead of offensive when one of my kids
misbehaves. I sacrifice the long-term goal of their behavior improving for good for that short-term gain of momentary peace. If I’m constantly reacting
to my child’s disrespect with disapproval, and correcting the problems when
they arise, it’s not solving the heart issue at hand. I really shouldn’t
react to their bad behavior as if I’m surprised by it, either. I mean, why am I shocked at all that
unregenerate children display disobedience?
And why do I always get so offended by it, thinking that I’m a failure
as a mother when they talk back or mistreat a sibling?
The Bible says there is none righteous, no
not one. Even my soft faced, little hooligans angels. We all have a bent towards
going our own way; in other words, towards sin. Reward
systems, time outs, natural consequences, and of course avoiding Red Dye #40 all
have their merits as good behavior modification, perhaps outwardly, but only
the Spirit of God can change their hearts on the inside. I want my kids to obey
not just because they’ll avoid something unpleasant, but because they love and
respect me.
What brings us to a place where we lay down
our desires and surrender our wills?
This only comes from a day-to-day, growing and active relationship with the
Lord. So it is with our children. As Christian parents, we need to always point
them back to Jesus. That‘s where they
find their ultimate worth and acceptance. He’s the One who heals our deepest
needs. My main responsibility as a
mother should be to lead them to Christ, through my words and actions.
One of the ways I can do that practically is
to train my kids to hide God’s word in their hearts. If, as a follower of Christ, I believe that
His word is my standard for living why don’t I use it to discipline my
children? 2 Timothy 3:16-17 says “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful
for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the
servant of God may
be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”
I’m not just talking about reading them Bible stories. I mean we should help them memorize
verses that will be applicable to their real life situations, like Matthew 7:12, Colossians 3:20, Ephesians 4:29 and Proverbs 20:22. Verses such as these speak truth to our children and equip them for godly living.
Now surely if I’m quoting scripture to them
all day long without actually living it out myself, they won’t be very
motivated to change. More times than I
can count, if my child is struggling with anger or frustration, I’ve modeled it
before them in some way. I need to
evaluate myself before the Lord and ask Him to renew my thoughts, words and
actions. Am I in God’s Word daily? Am I walking in the Spirit? I’ve found that when I have a heart change,
it leads to positive results in my children’s behavior as well.
Finally, while my children are still growing developmentally and spiritually, I also need to be patient with them. They need to know I love them deeply, even in spite of their sin. If there are rules without a relationship, it will produce rebellion. After all, how much does Jesus love us in spite of our sins! While He loves, He also always prods us to repent by showing us a better way. He doesn't continually punish or nag. His heart for us leads us to want to obey. When we know in our core that we are seen and known by the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, we are transformed.
It is comforting to know that while you and I are called to "train up a child in the way he should go", God is ultimately responsible for his (or her) heart. He is the one who draws them deeper and walks beside them on the path He has laid out for them. However, in the process of raising and disciplining these little ones, we are refined at the same time they are. As we seek God for answers in how to best reach and correct our children, we become more and more dependent on, and also obedient towards Him. That's the amazing and humbling thing about parenting!