Motherhood Musings

Just thought I'd take a few moments to post while Colton is napping... He seems to be awake longer during the day now and requires more feedings. Which means less time to get stuff done around here. He's pretty predictable: sleep for 2-3 hours, wake up crying for food, eat for 20 minutes or so, produce a dirty diaper, stay awake and look curiously around the room for anywhere from 15-20 minutes, go back to sleep. And lather, rinse, repeat.

I'm starting to recognize his cues for what he wants. I think I've got the "hungry cry" down pat. The other ones, not so much. Sometimes it's hard to figure out what he needs, so we do a lot of trial & error.

It's amazing how much I underestimated how different things would be with a baby. Everything gets dropped right away to take care of his needs. He cries, and I come running. It's a pretty big undertaking to prepare to go out anywhere with him too. Yesterday, Gregg and I actually made it out of the house and took Colton to the park. We pushed him along in his snugrider carrier, and he stayed asleep for the majority of our outing. Along the way, Gregg stopped to look for some caches hidden in various places.

I'm still dealing with some lingering "blue" feelings. I do kind of miss being pregnant. Feeling Colton move around inside me was one of the best feelings ever. It's sorta weird to have a much flatter tummy now, when I was so used to my big round preggo belly all those months. On the other hand, it is really nice to be rid of the constant back and neck pain, see my feet again, and actually take a walk somewhere without feeling like I just climbed a mountain. It's also great to be able to fit nice and snugly into my husband's arms again.

I have all this anxiety, too, thinking that I'm going to do something wrong, and seriously screw up my child. I keep waiting for the maternal instincts to kick in. I mean, I know I'm not totally clueless, but there's an overwhelming amount of stuff I don't know. I nearly panicked the other day when I realized I should be trying to engage my baby in play during his alert times. I hadn't done that up until this point. So I started trying to get him interested in his stuffed animals, but he isn't into them yet. He's not crazy about tummy time either. Sometimes it seems like we're in the never ending cycle of eat, poop, and sleep. Who has time for play?

I'm probably freaking out for no reason, and probably all new moms go through this. Please, tell me they do!