A Lazy Sunday

Here I am, enjoying my last day before going back to work. In a way, it seems like forever ago that I left to have a baby and in another, it's like no time has gone by at all. These past six weeks have definitely been challenging, but so rewarding too. I have loved being home with my son. I'm not sure how balancing work with raising a child is going to pan out yet. Plus taking care of all of the household responsibilities. I'm very fortunate to have a husband that helps out tremendously, though.

Hopefully someday I will be able to just stay at home full-time. When I imagined myself having kids, I was always at home with them while my husband went to work. I'd watch Sesame Street and Blues Clues with them in the morning while sneaking in a few house chores here and there, take them to the park in the afternoon, and have time to prepare a nice dinner which would be ready just in time for their dad's arrival home. As long as I can remember, I've always wanted to be a mom. I need to remember that even though I work full-time, I am still a mom!

I still get to see my beautiful baby boy every day and watch him achieve all his milestones. And it's not like I'll be chained to my office eight hours a day, five days a week. There are certain things I have to put in time for at the agency, and I need to make weekly visits to the kids' homes when they get home from school. Other than that, I can do progress notes, reports, and treatment plans from the comfort of my kitchen table! I'll still have plenty of hours in the day to spend with my little boy. I just need to keep telling myself that...

Switching topics, yesterday we got a visit from my sister and her husband. Valerie hadn't seen Colton since a few days after he was born. She brought a package of diapers and wipes for him, which was a very nice and practical gift! We seem to be going through those like there's no tomorrow. They spent a few hours with us and stayed for dinner & dessert. I'm so glad we only live about two hours from them so we can get together more often.

Here is a dose of Colton cuteness for the day:

He really isn't too fond of tummy time. Right after I took this picture, he started crying. :(

I think this picture pretty well sums it up.

Shortly before it was taken, Colton gave me a big smile and proceeded to throw up down the front of my shirt. Oh, the joys of motherhood.

Random Thoughts

All quiet in the Boonstra household... for now. I thought I'd take this opportunity while Colton is napping in his swing to post something. It's amazing how much he consumes my life. Not in a bad way, of course. Just that a lot of my time is devoted to making sure he has what he needs and is happy.

Being a mom sure changes everything. That worried feeling I used to tease my own mother about, I now have. I have pretty much second guessed every decision I've made since he was born, and when he's settled down after fussing or crying and I go do something else, I feel guilty that I'm not spending that time with him. This anxiety has driven me to read all I can get my hands on about how to raise children. It's definitely helped me not to feel so overwhelmed and unprepared.

The washer, dryer, and dishwasher seem to be going nonstop with all the laundry and bottles Colton goes through in a day. I'm going through more clothes myself. I don't think there's a day that I haven't been spit up on! I've managed to avoid getting peed on when I'm changing a diaper by placing a washcloth over the "sprinkler". Still, there are times when I'm holding him that all of a sudden I'll start to feel a warm sensation and then need to go change my pants. Those diapers don't hold as much as you think.

I think I'm going to start reliving my own childhood over again now that I have a kid. I started recalling many of the songs I listened to as a child, and began singing them to Colton. My sister and I would listen ad nauseum in our playroom to our Sesame Street records. Decades later, I can still remember a lot of those simple but fun lyrics. I was thinking about going online and seeing if I can get some of the records on cd now.

So this is my last week of maternity leave. I go back to work on Monday. Boo hiss. My supervisor has been really great though about making sure my transition back is as non-stressful as possible. We talked about reducing my caseload to about 4 or 5 "low maintenance" kids and taking on some adoption work to make up the rest of my pay. This would allow me to spend more time at home with Colton. It seems like my agency is really doing whatever they can to keep me, and they understand how difficult it is to return now that I have a small baby.

In other news, Gregg and I ventured out this past Sunday to try yet another church. It was okay. Not great, not bad. The congregation was pretty small but very welcoming. I can't say I instantly felt like this was the church for us, but we'll probably go back. We received a card in the mail yesterday from the pastor thanking us for attending, which was nice.

I'd better go, I hear a baby crying...

Five Weeks

Today I went out for the first time on my own with Colton, and met my friend Ruthann for lunch at Panera. It was so nice to get out of the house! It felt a little weird to drive again, though. Our first outing alone together was a success. Colton slept in the minivan on the way there and on the way back, and he fussed a little when we got to the restaurant but I gave him a pacifier and he settled right down. It was great to have some quality girltalk. It is so good to have a friend that "gets me".

I can't believe Colton is five weeks old already! He's sleeping longer during the night, which his mommy sure appreciates. Last night he slept from 8pm to 1am and woke up again at 5. He is taking 4 oz. about 7-8 times a day now. The other day, he smiled at me for the first time and my heart melted.

Sometimes I am just overwhelmed with how much I love this little boy. The feeling wasn't instaneous for me though, as I thought it would be. It grew on me over these last few weeks.

So many women talk about the birth of their child in glowing terms and how they just fell in love with their baby right away. They almost make it seem glamorous. There certainly wasn't anything glamorous in my case about being cut open and then left incapacitated in an uncomfortable hospital bed, in the worst pain I've ever been in. With all that I went through to bring my son into the world, I can't say it was love at first sight. But I definitely love him now with a love I didn't know before.

I daydream about what he will be like in all the different stages of childhood. I know he'll grow up fast right before my eyes, but he will always be my little boy.

How cute is he???

Tess and Colton, the best of friends

Ramblings

I thought I'd give an update on how our church hunt is coming, amongst other things. We kind of put it on hold with being away a couple of weekends in July and then preparing for the baby's arrival. We haven't been to church in a couple of months, and I feel really bad about it.

We went from being at church practically all the time since Gregg worked for King Street Church, to not going at all. After Gregg left his position there, we both looked forward to attending church services and other special church activities together. I had felt disconnected from him on Sunday mornings, since he couldn’t be a part of the worship experience right along with me, because he always had to work. Our church hunt has been very frustrating for us, though, leaving our desire for spiritual closeness unfulfilled. I still really want to be connected to a church body somewhere, especially now that we have a child.

Another reason we’ve put our church search on hold is that for a few months we have seriously been considering moving to Charlotte, NC. That’s right; I said moving. As if we haven’t done enough of that in the last few years.

As I’ve mentioned before, we’re not crazy about the area we live in and only moved here for Gregg’s position with KSC. There’s not much to do except “watch the corn grow”, and not a whole lot of potential for Gregg career wise. The school system isn’t the best either, and while it will be five years until Colton is ready to go to school, it’s something we need to consider. Can our family thrive here long term?

I’ve thought many times about the prospect of moving again. I told Gregg I would do it if it meant he could get a job that would allow me to stay home with our son. He’s had a few interviews down there, but nothing has panned out yet. I’m all for it if I sense that that is the direction God is leading us in, and if it will ultimately end up being the best for our family. But it would mean starting all over.

Gregg’s sister and my stepsister both live in suburbs right outside of Charlotte, so it’s not like we wouldn’t know anyone. I’m not really close with either of them, though, and they have their own friends and families. It took me so long to actually get used to living here and settling in. I probably questioned every day for months whether we should have left Florida to move here, and now I’m actually comfortable in this environment. I know my way around, I have good friends, we have a great family doctor, and a nice, spacious place to live. It would be wonderful to be a SAHM though. I understand that with any move towards a better life, there’s going to be sacrifice. I’m just tired of having to lose things along the way in order to achieve this.

I go back to work in two weeks, which I’m not looking forward to. I’ve really enjoyed my time off with my baby. My short-term disability period will be up on the 25th, but since this is a Thursday, I’ll start again the following Monday instead. I tried to get more time, but my doctor’s office said that unless there were complications with my C-section, all they sign off on is 6 weeks. I still have some paid time off built up, but I have to come back to work before I can use it. I only used three days since my last day of work was August 8, and Colton was born on the 14th which is when disability started. I’ll probably just save the PTO to use around the holidays, since we usually visit our families up in Jersey at Christmas.

The life insurance company paid out my disability all in one lump sum, which was very nice. They sent a check shortly after the first of the September, and I received more than I was anticipating. My health insurance paid all of my hospital expenses, too. They sent a statement the other day with all of the expenses that were incurred, and the grand total for my 56 hour stay: $13,000. I thought it was going to be more like $20,000. I suppose if the hospital were in a more metropolitan area, the amount would have been closer to this figure. $13K is still a buttload of money. It seemed like I was charged for anything and everything. There was a labor room charge, which I find odd since I never even went into labor! Both the hospital and my doctor each had their own separate charges for the circumcision, too. Crazy.

Sorry this post was so disjointed. I’m finding it difficult to form coherent thoughts lately, let alone coherent posts!

One Month Old!

It's been one whole month since Colton Patrick entered the world. He has stolen our hearts and completely turned our lives upside down. I'm looking forward to seeing how he grows and develops over this next month. I read that in their second month, babies start to express pleasure in the form of a smile. I can't wait for my little guy to flash me a toothless grin!

He is so much more alert now. I'm wondering what happened to my sleepy lump of a baby. It's pretty cool to see his eyes wide open, taking in the world around him. I can't tell yet if he looks more like me or Gregg. People say that Colton looks more his daddy, but that could end up changing.

Yesterday, my mom and stepdad came from New Jersey to visit. They brought yummy pre-made Italian meals with them and took us out for dinner. My mother is one proud grandma. She just adores Colton and brags about him to all her friends and coworkers. This is her first grandchild, so he will be very spoiled.

Everyone keeps saying how good I look for having just had a baby one month ago. I really appreciate their compliments when I'm feeling like a cow because I still have to wear maternity pants. I feel slightly depressed that I can't fit into any of my cute tops or favorite pair of jeans, but that will come in time I guess. The site of my incision is still a little bit sensitive, making it uncomfortable to wear anything but maternity or sweat pants anyway.

Here are some more pictures:

Colton enjoying his bottle

The two sleepy heads, laying on Daddy

4 Weeks

Colton is four weeks old already! I can't believe how time is just flying by. It seems like he's always been a part of our family, yet only 4 weeks have passed since his birth.

I'm feeling more comfortable in my role as mommy, though there are plenty of times when I start to think this taking care of a baby thing is getting easier, that Colton changes the tide on me. I'll think I have his cries and routine figured out, but in reality there is no routine. As he grows, he also changes. What he wants today might not be what he wants tomorrow.

If there's one thing I have learned, is that babies are messy. Colton must go through three different outfits in a day between all the spitting up, peeing, and pooping. I feel like I am constantly cleaning him up. He also throws my whole schedule off. Often I don't get into the shower until after noon, and don't eat lunch until 2 or 3. At the end of the day, I'm exhausted but feel like I didn't accomplish a thing! With his feeding schedule, I get about two hours of uninterrupted sleep at a time. Sometimes I'm so tired I can't think straight.

But when I'm holding him after a feeding and he nestles his head between my neck and shoulder, I forget all about the lack of sleep, the dirty diapers, and the mountain of baby laundry. He is so worth it.

3 Weeks

My little man is three weeks old today!

Colton's First Bath

Last night Colton had his first bath in the baby bathtub. Up until his umbilical cord stump fell off over Saturday night, we had been giving him sponge baths. The baby tub is almost as big as our regular bathtub! He looked so small in it.

Colton didn't really enjoy the bath. He screamed most of the time. Then he let us know what he really thought of it by peeing in the water. We had to drain the yucky water out and refill it with clean water.

Afterwards, he got dressed in his jammies and I fed him a bottle. He fell asleep in my arms, and I snuggled with him for a while before putting him down in the crib. I really like those quiet moments the two of us have.

Whew, I'm glad that's over with!

















All ready for bed

Motherhood Musings

Just thought I'd take a few moments to post while Colton is napping... He seems to be awake longer during the day now and requires more feedings. Which means less time to get stuff done around here. He's pretty predictable: sleep for 2-3 hours, wake up crying for food, eat for 20 minutes or so, produce a dirty diaper, stay awake and look curiously around the room for anywhere from 15-20 minutes, go back to sleep. And lather, rinse, repeat.

I'm starting to recognize his cues for what he wants. I think I've got the "hungry cry" down pat. The other ones, not so much. Sometimes it's hard to figure out what he needs, so we do a lot of trial & error.

It's amazing how much I underestimated how different things would be with a baby. Everything gets dropped right away to take care of his needs. He cries, and I come running. It's a pretty big undertaking to prepare to go out anywhere with him too. Yesterday, Gregg and I actually made it out of the house and took Colton to the park. We pushed him along in his snugrider carrier, and he stayed asleep for the majority of our outing. Along the way, Gregg stopped to look for some caches hidden in various places.

I'm still dealing with some lingering "blue" feelings. I do kind of miss being pregnant. Feeling Colton move around inside me was one of the best feelings ever. It's sorta weird to have a much flatter tummy now, when I was so used to my big round preggo belly all those months. On the other hand, it is really nice to be rid of the constant back and neck pain, see my feet again, and actually take a walk somewhere without feeling like I just climbed a mountain. It's also great to be able to fit nice and snugly into my husband's arms again.

I have all this anxiety, too, thinking that I'm going to do something wrong, and seriously screw up my child. I keep waiting for the maternal instincts to kick in. I mean, I know I'm not totally clueless, but there's an overwhelming amount of stuff I don't know. I nearly panicked the other day when I realized I should be trying to engage my baby in play during his alert times. I hadn't done that up until this point. So I started trying to get him interested in his stuffed animals, but he isn't into them yet. He's not crazy about tummy time either. Sometimes it seems like we're in the never ending cycle of eat, poop, and sleep. Who has time for play?

I'm probably freaking out for no reason, and probably all new moms go through this. Please, tell me they do!

2 Weeks

Colton turns two weeks today! I was comparing pictures I took of him just a few days ago with ones from yesterday, and he already looks different. For some reason, it seems like his birth date was a really long time ago. Hard to believe that only two weeks have passed.

I'm almost completely back to feeling like my normal self after the C-section. My incision is healing very nicely, and the scar is slowly but surely disappearing. The other day I dared to weigh myself, and discovered that so far I've lost twenty of the forty pounds I gained while pregnant. Yay! I know I have some work to do to lose the other twenty, but I'll get there eventually.

The weather has been really nice the past couple of days. We were able to actually turn off the A/C and open some windows. When it gets to the end of August, I always start yearning for fall, my favorite season. I'm looking forward to pushing Colton along in his stroller in the cool, crisp weather. Gregg's mother already volunteered to make him his first Halloween costume.

Here are a few more pictures:

Enjoying some time with Daddy

Napping in his dinosaur onesie that Aunt Val gave him

My New Job as Mommy

You know how they say "everything changes with a baby"? Boy, were they ever right.

We are now on Colton time. He pretty much determines when we do things, according to his schedule. The other day, Gregg & I were getting ready to head out the door. I had prepared the baby's bottles and packed the diaper bag, being careful not to overlook anything. I was feeling pretty confident in my new found mom abilities, in fact. I decided to do one last diaper change before we left. I took the old diaper off, and as I was about to slide the new one under his bottom, the "sprinkler" started spraying! The stream went up and over the changing table, getting Colton's hair, face, and clothes wet. I started laughing when I realized what happened. But then I became annoyed. I had to change his entire outfit and wipe down the changing table before we could leave, which set us back about 30 minutes. Oh well, such is life with baby.

Colton seems to grow a little bit more every day. He already outgrew one of his pajamas, and a couple of the t-shirts he got in the hospital. He is now chugging down 3.5 oz per feeding. My little boy also graduated from the cradle in our room to the crib in the nursery. Last night Gregg put him down in there, and he went right to sleep! He looks so tiny in it.

I'm definitely getting a lot of "on the job training" as a new mother. Colton teaches me something new every day. I've probably never felt more incompetent, and then more proud when I actually get the hang of something. It seems like a Herculean feat to dress him sometimes. Especially when he's screaming up a storm, and you're trying ever so gingerly not to break off appendages while you're putting his little arms and feet into an outfit. He sure makes life interesting!

More Pictures

I can't resist posting pics of my sweet little boy!



Here he is sleeping in his swing














And sleeping in the pack 'n play














And sleeping, again, in his cradle













Exciting, huh?

Update!

I thought I'd take a moment to post a quick update. Colton is doing really well, starting to fill out his newborn clothes now. He's up to 3 oz of formula per feeding, too. He continues to be very content and only cries when he is hungry. I get up to feed him at least twice during the night, and then he goes right back down after being changed.

His mama is doing fine as well. Yesterday was my best day so far. I was able to get around with little discomfort, and emotions wise I felt pretty balanced. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this mom thing.

I'm in that awkward, in between stage where I still don't fit into many of my pre-pregnancy clothes, but all my maternity outfits are too big. I had been feeling really unattractive, due to my now flabby tummy, scar, and ew, stretch marks. My husband is so sweet though. He tells me that I'm beautiful and called my incision my "mommy scar", a sign that I've bore him our son. He also said that I "cooked one great baby".

I still can't believe I'm a mother. It's all so surreal and amazing. I keep thinking Colton is too good to be true, and all of a sudden he's going to be up ten times a night screaming at the top of his lungs. So far we've been able to take him out with us to Target, out for lunch, and out for ice cream, and each trip he just slept the whole time. He has definitely made the transition to mommyhood a relatively easy one for me.

Life With Baby

Colton Patrick is one week old today! I can't believe a whole week has gone by since his birth. He is a great baby, very content most of the time. He'll get up about twice during the night for a feeding and sleeps a lot during the day. He's already been to the pediatrician, and is almost back to his original birth weight.

Even though our son is relatively easy going, Gregg and I have quickly found that the world now revolves around him. Meals get put on hold, sleep is disturbed, and our time is consumed by meeting the many needs of this tiny new being.

I thought before any more time goes by, I should post the birth story. So here goes:

I was originally scheduled to arrive at the hospital for my planned C-section at 12:15pm last Thursday, but they moved the time up to 11:30am much to mine & Gregg's delight. We were so anxious that morning that we got there at 11, and my room was already ready and waiting. I had two wonderful nurses attending to me, who started me on an IV and went over a whole bunch of paperwork. A while later, the anesthesiologist and some of surgical team met with me. I started feeling really nervous and also dizzy at this point, because I hadn't eaten anything since 7pm the night before (I had to fast from midnight on) and I was being pumped full of antibiotics.

By 1:00, they were ready for me to go to OR. The whole next hour was kind of a blur. They gave me the spinal which numbed me from the chest down, and inserted a catheter. It seemed like the spinal took effect immediately. After they prepped me and put the shield up, Gregg was allowed in the room, wearing his scrubs. He sat by my side holding my hand and rubbing my shoulder the entire time.

I don't remember a whole lot of what happened afterwards. It seemed like the procedure was over in a matter of minutes. I heard the doctor say something about the fact that the baby was trying to squirm away from her, then felt a lot of pressure as they lifted him out. He started crying right away, very loudly. When I heard him scream, I felt such a wave of emotion and began crying myself. The doctor showed him to me briefly before he got cleaned up and weighed. Gregg went back to the room with the baby while I was stitched up. After they moved me from the operating table to the hospital bed and wheeled me back, I finally got to hold my son for the first time. I remember thinking he was so perfect and beautiful.

I spent about two hours in recovery before any visitors were allowed back. Gregg's parents, my mom, and my sister were eagerly awaiting their chance to see the baby. The next several hours were pretty difficult, as the spinal wore off and I began feeling the pain from the surgery. The nurses gave me Morphine, which made me really nauseous. I couldn't even keep ice water down. I had to stay in bed until the next morning, and didn't get much sleep that night with nurses coming in and out of the room every so often to check on me and the baby. They had me up to go to the bathroom around 9am and I was able to eat solid foods by that afternoon. My appetite returned by that evening and I was able to enjoy the celebratory dinner staff brought in for me and Gregg. Late the next day, I was discharged from the hospital.

I'm still healing from the Cesarean, but every day it gets easier to move around. For several days after the birth, Gregg took care of Colton. I felt pretty guilty, as well as left out, that I couldn't do anything other than just hold my baby. Gregg has been absolutely wonderful, though, reassuring me that my main priority is to get better. He is an amazing father. He just adores our son and is so good with him.

I've had a touch of the baby blues since Colton was born, which hasn't made my recovery any easier. I gave breastfeeding a fair try, but after a few days decided it wasn't for me. That was a really hard decision to make, but I realized that I am no less Colton's mother because I choose to bottle feed him. The other thing that was difficult at first was coming to terms with the scar left behind from the surgery. I was very fortunate to have such a wonderful doctor perform my C-section. She used dissolvable stitches so I don't have to go back and have them taken out, thankfully. I was still horrified seeing the scar for the first time. I know that eventually it will fade, and I'll return to my pre-pregnancy weight & shape.

This has been one long emotional roller coaster of a week. Every day gets a little easier, though. I have a beautiful, healthy baby and proud, devoted husband for which I am very grateful.

Here are some pictures!

Colton Patrick Boonstra

Colton Patrick arrived at 1:33pm. He weighed 6 lbs 14 oz. He is 20.5 inches long. Mommy and Baby are doing great!

38w5d

These last few days have sort of blended together. It's so nice being off from work, but at the same time I keep forgetting what day it is! Since Saturday I've really enjoyed relaxing, doing some last minute baby shopping (I told Gregg we should invest stock in Target), and preparing for the final details of Bubba's arrival.

This morning I met up with a couple of friends for breakfast at Cracker Barrel. These are two of the most gracious and kind hearted women I know, and I am so blessed to have them in my life. They sat and talked with me excitedly over eggs, pancakes, and bacon about baby details and reassured me of concerns I have regarding the C-section I'm about to have. They offered to cook meals for us & bring them over once the baby is born, and can't wait to come visit me in the hospital.

After breakfast, I got my blood work done at Summit Health (another place we should also invest stock in because I'm there so much) and scheduled my phone interview with the pre-op department. I have to don a fabulous plastic wrist band until the surgery, which I'm guessing lets staff know which arm I've already had blood drawn from. I will definitely be sporting all the latest fashions this week: a shower cap, a hospital gown, and yes even a pee bag. Let's hear it for not having to get up to go to the bathroom for at least 12 hours after the procedure. Whoo hoo.

Anyhow, I am really excited about the birth minus all the icky medical stuff. It's crazy how I get to essentially skip my last week of pregnancy. Not that I'm complaining. As Thursday inches closer, I get really anxious to meet this little person who's taken up residence in my womb for the last nine months and know I'll fall in love with him instantly.

38w4d

This afternoon we had one last prenatal visit before my scheduled C-section on Thursday. Everything with my BP & urine were good, and I gained another two pounds during the week, bringing my total weight gain to a whopping 40 lbs. Our appointment was with one of our favorite nurse midwives, Darlanna. Before meeting with her, the nurse asked me if I had signed any pre-op consent forms and I said no. She asked if I wouldn't mind sticking around after the exam to go over them with the doctor who was scheduled to perform the Cesarean, since she was currently over at the hospital. That was fine with us. I began to wonder though, why Dr. Yerram didn't have me sign anything last time.

When Darlanna entered the exam room, she asked if I thought Bubba had turned. I told her I was pretty sure he hadn't. She mentioned Dr. Yerram had written in my chart that the baby was head first. Gregg and I looked at each other like, what??? We said that Dr. Y. never even checked the baby's position during our visit. All she did was check the heartbeat and give a very brief rundown of how the C-section was going to go. Darlanna felt around my belly and determined that Bubba is still buttocks first. Just to be doubly sure, she brought in the ultrasound machine and confirmed that yep, he's breech alright. Then she went over in detail the entire operation, from start to finish, and had me sign the consent form. She was also more than happy to answer any questions we had.

When she was finished, we met with one of the surgical schedulers who went over some more paperwork and gave me a packet of information outlining how to prepare for the C-section & what to expect at the hospital. I learned I not only have to have blood work done, but a phone interview as well with one of the registration staff from the hospital before Thursday. This is all so they know ahead of time how I might react to the anesthesia. None of this was told to me last week. Before we left the office last Tuesday, there was confusion on the doctor's part about whether I should come in again before the surgery. Then she originally suggested I come in the day before, but there were no appointments available Wednesday so the front desk scheduled me for today.

On the way home as Gregg & I talked about it, I started to feel more and more uncomfortable with having this doctor perform the Cesarean. I already didn't care for her lack of bedside manner, and the fact that she's new to this particular practice and seemed confused about the procedures didn't help. Then there's the obvious detail that she wrote the baby was head down. That's a pretty big mistake to make. I mean, that's the whole reason I'm having a planned C-section!!!

Gregg suggested that if I was this concerned, I should just ask that another doctor perform the operation. I was close to tears, thinking that this would now certainly delay the birth and it would be a big hassle to change docs at the last minute. I was also not looking forward to explaining why I felt uncomfortable with Dr. Y. and imagined trying to be talked out of my decision to switch.

When we got home, I called the office and left a message for the scheduling department. I received a call back within ten minutes and was told they would take care of scheduling me with another doctor for the very same day. No questions asked, no problems. I was so relieved.

I'm glad I followed my gut instinct. I wouldn't have been in the best place emotionally or mentally arriving at the hospital this Thursday. I would probably be worrying about this doctor's competency the entire procedure. I want to be able to completely trust the person into whose hands I'm essentially putting my life and my baby's.

Only two more full days before Bubba arrives!! We finally settled on his name last week. Sorry, but I won't be giving it away until the birth announcement post on the 14th. All I can say is that it begins and ends with a consonant, and contains two vowels, both of which are the same. :)

38w2d

Well, I am officially on maternity leave. I cannot tell you how happy I was to wake up this morning and realize I don't have to deal with any work related stuff for the next several weeks. This last week of work, unfortunately, was rather stressful. One of my clients ran away from her foster home Monday night and it just made the days to follow that much more complicated. But, it's over!

This morning I picked out Bubba's coming home outfit, and got to washing onesies, socks, bibs, and blankets. We're not sure how big he's going to be yet, so I didn't go crazy washing all of the newborn clothes. We can always return stuff and exchange it for bigger sizes.

I really didn't think I'd feel this way towards the end, but after four or five straight weeks of near excruciating back and neck pain, I am so ready to have this baby!! Oh yeah, I've also been enjoying the pain in my hips, legs and feet, and my old friend constipation. I don't know how in the world I managed to work up to almost the last minute of this pregnancy.

It's really beginning to sink in that, in just a short amount of time we'll actually meet our son. By next weekend, he'll be coming home with us and we'll have to figure out what to do with him! I started panicking a little last night, thinking about the fact that I've only ever changed a diaper twice in my life (and that was on a girl), and how will I know what he wants when he cries, what if I can't soothe him, etc. I know I'll be sore after the C-section and it won't be advisable to go up & down stairs for a while, so that has me worried too. Our bedroom, the nursery, and bathroom w/tub are all on the second floor. Oh well, I'm sure we'll bumble our way through the new journey of parenthood, but it will all be okay.

Here are some more belly shots taken weeks 36-38, and a couple of the nursery:

36 Weeks

37 Weeks

38 Weeks

37w5d

This morning we met with the doctor who will be performing the Cesarean next week. Dr. Y., a petite, attractive Indian woman, did not have the bedside manner we're used to with the other doctors and midwives we've seen. She wasn't mean or cold; her professionalism just way overshadowed her ability to relate to me, the patient. I have no doubts about her surgical skills, but I do wish she was a bit more friendly and personable.

Anyway, she told us that they'll call the day before (on the 13th) with the time the C-section is scheduled and mentioned that I will be awake throughout the procedure (I assumed as much). She'll do an ultrasound beforehand to check whether the baby has turned. It's funny; I really, really wanted to have a vaginal birth. I was even going to try to do it without drugs. But now I'm content with the idea of having this C-section, and knowing pretty much right when we'll get to meet our little boy. Only 9 days to go!!!

Today happens to be Tess's birthday. Well, at least this is the anniversary of when we got her so we just say that it's her birthday. She's three. I wonder how old that makes her in dog years. Tess and Bubba will share the same birth month. She's been awfully curious about all the baby gack that's cluttering up the house. She'll go up to the bouncer or swing, and poke her nose at them. She cocks her head funny when the little toys make noise. We're sure she will be a great protective older "sister" when Bubba arrives, but it may take her a while to get used to the wrinkled new being taking up residence in our family.