Friday, September 02, 2011

Fall Second Chances

September already! This is my favorite time of the year, when the summer weather gives way to cooler autumn days. Growing up, it was always a little bittersweet. It meant the end of summer vacation, but a return to school where I would see all of my friends again on a daily basis and soak up all the learning I could.

For me now, the beginning of fall weather signifies that I am getting closer to meeting my baby girl. I'll be honest, I am ready to be done with this pregnancy. DONE. Not because I'm prepared to have a newborn tomorrow or anything; I'm just in a lot of discomfort nearly all the time. Sciatica, shortness of breath, restless legs, my tummy being stretched further and further like a rubber band, lack of intimacy with my husband because he can't get around this huge belly, etc.

Stick a fork in me.

I had physical discomforts towards the end when I was pregnant with Colton, too. The difference is, I didn't have a three-year-old to look after at the same time. He's a pretty amazing kid, but it's still a demanding job parenting a toddler. He has officially entered the "But why?" and "What's that?" stage. The tantrums have decreased, thank goodness, but he's become a little bossy and if I had a penny for every time I had to remind him to say please and thank you, I'd be a millionaire.

I've been trying to do at least one baby related thing every day, to take my mind off of the pain and focus on the joy of actually having my little girl, whether it be visiting my WTE October 2011 Message Board, or organizing the nursery. I finally sorted through all the gifts we received at the "sprinkle" and categorized clothes by size, so I'd know what she still needs. The crib was delivered to my in-laws' and we're going to pick it up this weekend! I can't wait for it to be all set up. This past Saturday, we converted Colton's crib to a full size bed and moved the crib mattress and glider out of his room into the baby's. He's been doing really well with his new bed so far. He was so excited to sleep in it the first night.

This morning, I had my 34 week appointment and found out that Baby Girl is still breech. Not that I was surprised. She's been moving around exactly like Colton did, and I continue to get kicked in my girly parts on a regular basis. The doctor didn't have to tell me; I already knew there's a slim chance of her turning at this point. She recommended scheduling a repeat C-section today, instead of waiting until my next appointment at 36 weeks. She told me I could choose any (week)day between my 39th and 40th week. When I went to check out, the receptionist asked if I had any preference for one doctor over another to do the surgery. I chose my two favorites and the 6th of October was offered first, but since I was adamant about the section being early in the morning and this particular doctor wasn't available then, I went with the 10th instead.

I am a little disappointed that I probably won't get to try a VBAC, and I even possibly will never get to experience what labor is like. But all I really care about is that my daughter arrives healthy into this world, however the delivery. I know that it doesn't make me less of a woman or a mother. And I'm not just saying this. I really do feel this way. It's taken me about three years to come to terms with, but I am completely okay with the idea. Plus I know what to expect from another c-section, and recognize the things I can do differently to make it a more pleasant procedure. I also feel empowered that I was able to make my own choice about which doctor and what time I want the cesearean, and that it will be as close to my original due date as possible. It has always bothered me that my previous c-section was scheduled an entire week before Colton was due. I won't be, nor was I then, just a passive patient on an operating table. I will be actively participating in the birth of my child.

For me, it's kind of like getting a "do-over". I know enough now to make informed choices about what types of medication to receive, rooming in, and feeding. I'm also going to ask that the baby be brought to my side right after they clean her up, even if I can't hold her right away. So, I'm excited. If everything stays the same, we are anticipating Baby Girl's arrival on Columbus Day. Only about 5 more weeks to go!!

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