Sunday, October 26, 2008

Fall is in the Air

Normally I don't go more than one week without posting, but this past week was crazy busy. On Monday I had an adoption conference to attend in Harrisburg, Tuesday night I had to teach an Independent Living class to a group of foster kids, Wednesday I worked all day on a child profile for a girl who's up for adoption, early Thursday morning one of my clients ran away from his foster home so I had to deal with that the majority of the day, Friday I was catching up on paperwork, and Saturday I taught a parent training class. I am so glad this week is over!! I love weekends, where I can kick back and relax with my family and enjoy doing a whole lot of NOTHING.

I'm loving this cooler weather; when it's just chilly enough outside to need a jacket and there are multicolored leaves scattered about on the ground, crunching under foot. The trees are so beautiful this time of year. It always makes me nostalgic for my childhood days of jumping in leaf piles, going apple & pumpkin picking, and trick or treating. Speaking of Halloween, my mother-in-law made Colton an adorable Eeyore costume! He hasn't worn it yet, so I don't have pictures but I'll post them soon.

Gregg's parents came into town for a quick visit last Sunday after spending the weekend in North Carolina with Gregg's sister and her family. They took us out to Ruby Tuesday's and gave Gregg his birthday gift, since his b-day was on the 9th. They were so amazed at how much bigger Colton had gotten since they saw him last. At their last visit, he was only a week old.

It seems like he daily outgrows his clothes. He is still such a good baby, eating and sleeping wonderfully. We've tried to get him on a schedule, and he's done great with it so far. Although lately, he doesn't go down at nighttime as easily as before. He used to take his last bottle around 7 or 8, I'd do a diaper change and change him into his jammies, and he'd go right down. Now he'll fuss for about twenty minutes after his bottle and want to be rocked a while before he goes to sleep. Last night after his bath, he fussed while I was holding him and eventually dozed off in my arms. I tiptoed up the stairs and put him in the crib. Not five minutes later, he started screaming and wouldn't stop until I fed him another 2 oz. and rocked him in the glider.

What's really cool though, is that Colton didn't wake up until 7 this morning. And he slept until 7am yesterday, too. He knows how much his mama likes her sleep. :) He tries now to put his whole fist in his mouth, and gets frustrated when it won't fit! It's so cute. The other day he giggled for the first time. Gregg was making funny faces and noises at him, and a giggle came out. Colton is also moving around a lot more. Many mornings, I'll find him facing the opposite way of how I placed him in the crib the night before. He is starting to get very active, and very vocal. Sometimes I think he's trying to talk!

We don't have much planned for today. We'll probably stick to our regular Sunday evening routine of eating leftovers in front of the tv and watching football. Then it's back to another week of work. Whoo hoo.


Friday, October 17, 2008

How Sweet is My Husband

He made a video of our family the other day and put it up on You Tube. I love this man. :)

Small Treasures

So Colton had his appointment with the doctor yesterday, and guess how much he weighs??? A whopping 12 lbs., 10 oz.! No wonder he was beginning to feel so heavy to me. He has also grown to 22 inches long. He got a clean bill of health, and will go back again in December when he's four months old.

I'm going to have to go through his stash of 3-6 month size clothes already and wash a few items, so he has stuff to wear that properly fits him! Before he was born, we divided up all his clothes in quarterly increments and put them away in the nursery closet, with the idea that we'd wash stuff as he needed it. Anything he doesn't get to wear stays in its packaging and gets returned to Babies 'R Us. There are a few packs of onesies from the 0-3 month collection he is probably too big for now. It makes me so emotional to have to put away clothes he's outgrown. I want him to grow up big and strong, and I'm excited to see how he changes and develops, but it's still kinda sad.

I try to treasure every time I hold him, feed him, and yes even change his diaper, because those moments won't last forever. I love staring into his big blue eyes and cuddling with him in the glider or on the couch. I love to watch him sleep and think how peaceful he looks. All these things make me overlook the fact that already this morning, my baby pooped so much I had to use nearly half a box of wipes, threw up all over me and himself necessitating a clothes change, and peed while I was changing him necessitating a second clothes change.

I'm feeling better about the whole moving option. I definitely have a peace about it that I didn't before. I'm excited for this new chapter in our lives. I'm happy that Gregg will have a great job that he feels made for and pays him what he's worth. Most of all, I'm looking forward to being a stay at home mommy!

Hopefully soon I'll have more details on this front, but for now I covet the possibility of things being different. And enjoy the fact that it's FRIDAY!!!

Time for a Colton pic:

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

2 Months

Colton is two months old today!

He is getting so big already. He's starting to outgrow some of his 0-3 month clothes, and I'm sad about it. I've felt when I go to pick him up that he's noticeably heavier. He has also found his thumb and sucks on it occasionally.

Colton is now sleeping for ten hours overnight, too! He doesn't wake up until 5-5:30am, which is awesome because I still get six or seven hours of sleep before I have to start getting ready for the day. He goes to the pediatrician on Thursday for his two month check up.

This past weekend was pretty good. Saturday the three of us went to the annual Apple Harvest Festival near Gettysburg for a few hours. It was a gorgeous fall day and the fairgrounds were packed with people. Sunday we lounged in bed before getting out to do grocery shopping. That evening we talked on the phone to our families, watched the football game, and ate leftovers for dinner.

I hate when the weekend comes to a close and it's Monday all over again. So far, this week isn't as stressful as last week. Still hectic though. I'd really rather be at home with my little boy than divide my time between him and work. It was hard when I was just pregnant to focus on my job, but now it's even harder. I feel like one thing or the other gets sacrificed. I can't possibly be great at both. I honestly don't want to deal with the frustrating amount of paperwork, rude foster kids, and scatterbrained foster parents anymore.

Gregg and I have talked about how I could become a SAHM since a few months before Colton was born. My husband has been looking for a job that would pay him enough to nearly replace my salary and since there aren't that many high paying positions in this area, let alone IT ones, we will most likely end up moving. I mentioned in a previous post how we're already not too fond of living here. Gregg isn't very happy in his current position either. We both feel he can and should be paid what he deserves, but for as long as I've known him he hasn't been. I keep encouraging him not to settle. He has years and years of experience in this field, and should be recognized for that.

So another job in probably another state is what we're considering. We've even contemplated moving back to New Jersey. I don't know what God's plan is for us. I thought I knew. But after two moves for jobs with ministries that didn't work out, I don't know anymore. I am so confused right now, and desperately seeking the Lord's direction and guidance. I don't feel as if I'm getting a sense of peace about any one direction. I hate feeling this unsettled and unsure.

Another thing I'm struggling with too, is that we still haven't found a church to call home. This area is saturated with churches, but they're all so... lifeless. There's no passion. I want to be inspired and challenged. I want to be moved. I will not settle for a spiritually ho-hum life. I won't for myself and for my children. That's another huge reason to move also.

I want us to make the best decision possible for our family and future, so I'm open to whatever door God wants us to walk through. But- even though we don't want to stay in this place long term and it's best that we relocate, I've still become attached to it. And the thought of moving and starting over for the third time in almost three years just overwhelms me. How many times can we do this???

These are the thoughts that have been running through my head for the past several weeks. I continue to pray that God points us in the right direction.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Getting Real

This past week has been stressful. Trying to juggle the demands of motherhood, work, and everything else had me pretty worn down by yesterday. Early this morning before the sun came up, while I was feeding Colton, I just got real with God and started praying. And I did some crying too. I ended up having a pretty good day. I definitely feel less overwhelmed.

I realized I have to put in more time at the office than I have been, simply because I can't get much done at home while trying to take care of a baby. I have to drop what I'm doing to feed him, change him, rock him, etc. I love being with my little boy, but for the sake of my sanity I need to be in a place where I can actually accomplish something. I barely made it into the agency this past week, even with getting up about 5 o'clock every morning. I was seriously worried my supervisor was going to say something about it to me today, but he didn't. He was very understanding, and said I just need to figure out what works best for me.

Right. Easier said than done.

Warning: this paragraph contains a lot of TMI- This morning I had my post partum appointment with my doctor. It was supposed to be a six week follow up, but she couldn't see me until today. Dr. Brown is fabulous. I am SO glad she was the one who performed my C-section. She held Colton for a while and exclaimed how big he's getting. She said my incision is healing very nicely and the redness should go away sometime within the next year. My uterus has almost shrunk back down to its original size. My weight is still hovering around twenty pounds more than what I weighed at the beginning of my pregnancy. Bleh. Time for a diet. Dr. Brown gave me a prescription for bc, which I can start taking after I get my next period.

Before we left, she had me sign Colton's name and birth date on a large quilt which she has all the women she delivers sign. She said she had to start another one because the first is completely full of names! I don't have to come back now for another year when I'm due for my annual exam.

I'm realizing that I am still very much dealing with adjusting to having a baby. I know that seems pretty obvious, but it hit me last night that's why I'm so stressed out and a little depressed. It's okay though. Having a new baby is an adjustment. I think I was beating myself up for not being happy every single moment of the day. I do love being a mom. I am absolutely in love with my son, and can't imagine life without him. But he has radically altered my entire world.

I am so glad it's the weekend! I love days off. Time just to spend with my husband and baby. :)

My homey "C"

Saturday, October 04, 2008

One Week Down...

Well, I survived my first week back at work. It was difficult, but not as bad as I thought it would be. I still cried a little every day. It helped that it went by pretty fast though. I prayed every day just to get through, and God listened. :) I was so happy to come home each afternoon after a visit and see my baby boy again! Every morning and night during the week we'd have cuddle time, and each evening after dinner, I'd hold him in my arms while he drifted off to sleep.

Yesterday actually marked the one year anniversary since I started at my job. It's weird to think that I spent the majority of this past year pregnant and planning for a baby. Now I'm a mom and trying to juggle the responsibilities of work, motherhood, and being a wife. I feel a bit stretched, to say the least.

Last night (I'm sure you all wanted to know this) I started my period for the first time in nearly eleven months. On a FRIDAY night. Yay- not so much. Thankfully I don't have monster cramps like I thought I would. I was wondering how long it would take to show up after giving birth. I'm still not back on bc, so it could be a while before AF resumes her regular schedule.

Anyway, Colton just turned seven weeks this past Thursday! He is becoming quite the charmer with his smiles and coos. He's almost sleeping through the night, too. He'll fall asleep about 7 or 8pm after a feeding, and wake up again around 4 the next morning! We had to buy bigger bottles because he's starting to take 6 oz. at a time now. He is one hungry hippo.

I need to wash some bigger size clothing for him, since it's pretty obvious he's growing, and also since the weather is getting cooler! I know he's not even two months old yet, but a lot of his 3-6 month outfits include long sleeves. There are a few that come with hoodies, which will keep him warm on these chilly autumn days.

I'm so glad fall has arrived. I can wear sweatshirts & sneakers again, and watch the leaves change colors. Time for chai lattes, apple pies, and pumpkins! Colton is too little this year to pick out his own pumpkin of course, but he will have his own Halloween costume made especially for him by Grandma Boonstra. We don't know yet what it'll be. I'm sure he will look adorable in it!

Here is my little angel:

It strikes me that he is so beautiful and yet the most disgusting things come out of him on a daily basis. I usually don't mind changing diapers, but this morning's was really icky. The happy little smiling bears on the Huggies wipes were blissfully unaware of the cruel fate that awaited them. How in a matter of seconds, they would meet Colton's bottom and smile no more. It's amazing how many wipes I need to go through in one changing because they're so inadequate at doing the job of removing what my husband calls "sludge". He's written quite a descriptive post about this over on our baby blog here.

Sometimes I am humbled and overwhelmed that God would choose to bless me with such a wonderful baby. I can't believe he's actually mine!