Tuesday, June 17, 2008

30w5d

Last night we toured the maternity floor of the hospital with our childbirth class. All of the labor and delivery rooms are private, with their own bathroom and shower. The baby stays in the room at all times, too, unless there's a problem where they would then go to the nursery. We saw the whirlpool room last, which I will definitely be taking full advantage of! It's hard to believe I'll be checking in there in about two months. Scary, but exciting.

Baby brain is wreaking havoc something fierce lately. I'm barely able to concentrate on anything at work, and I've honestly been feeling overwhelmed trying to keep everything straight with the eight cases I manage. My workload really didn't seem that demanding before. Some days I just want to cry at my desk when the paperwork is stacking up, the phone's ringing off the hook, and the emails are flooding in.

Maybe it's my pregnancy hormones in overdrive, but I feel so stressed and emotional about life in general. I prayed during the long drive to my afternoon home visit today, and admitted that I've been trying to carry a burden that I'm not meant to handle by myself. I was reminded that God's grace and strength is sufficient for me at times like this. It's really hard when I can't see the forest from the trees. God always gives me comfort and rest when I need it, though. I want to be the best I can be at my job, I really do, but my mind is elsewhere. Sometimes I feel like saying "Forget this! I have bigger fish to fry." I've never really been that career oriented, though I plugged away in my early twenties towards graduating in four years and getting my Masters degree early. Six years later, my goal now is to be a wife and mother. That's where my heart is.

I keep telling myself that I only have to get through these next two months, and then I can go on leave. Then... then I prepare for the most life altering experience ever and step into my new role as a mom.

I was having one of those days today where I feel swamped and sad and frustrated, and Gregg offered to make dinner so that was one less thing on my to-do list. I was very grateful for that. He's good at helping me feel better. Right now, the last thing I need is to be stressed. I know it's not good for Baby Boy. So if I forget things at work and fall behind with paperwork, oh well. I'm just going to do what I can and let the rest go.

3 comments:

amy said...

I am so excited for you both

erin said...

I'll be praying for you Marisa...I can't imagine how overwhelming it must feel at times, but I do know how it feels to realize you've been doing things on your own strength and have nothing left to give (am there right now, actually).

I pray that God will rejuvenate your spirit, heart and mind as you continue to prepare for the little miracle that's almost here!

Love,
Erin

Angelarae said...

I'll be praying for you. I can imagine how overwhelmed you must feel at times (I'm overwhelmed what seems like ALL the time, but for a different reason).

I pray that you will be able to seek comfort from God and he will rejuvinate you and help provide clarity regarding what needs to be done and what doesn't.