Tuesday, October 14, 2008

2 Months

Colton is two months old today!

He is getting so big already. He's starting to outgrow some of his 0-3 month clothes, and I'm sad about it. I've felt when I go to pick him up that he's noticeably heavier. He has also found his thumb and sucks on it occasionally.

Colton is now sleeping for ten hours overnight, too! He doesn't wake up until 5-5:30am, which is awesome because I still get six or seven hours of sleep before I have to start getting ready for the day. He goes to the pediatrician on Thursday for his two month check up.

This past weekend was pretty good. Saturday the three of us went to the annual Apple Harvest Festival near Gettysburg for a few hours. It was a gorgeous fall day and the fairgrounds were packed with people. Sunday we lounged in bed before getting out to do grocery shopping. That evening we talked on the phone to our families, watched the football game, and ate leftovers for dinner.

I hate when the weekend comes to a close and it's Monday all over again. So far, this week isn't as stressful as last week. Still hectic though. I'd really rather be at home with my little boy than divide my time between him and work. It was hard when I was just pregnant to focus on my job, but now it's even harder. I feel like one thing or the other gets sacrificed. I can't possibly be great at both. I honestly don't want to deal with the frustrating amount of paperwork, rude foster kids, and scatterbrained foster parents anymore.

Gregg and I have talked about how I could become a SAHM since a few months before Colton was born. My husband has been looking for a job that would pay him enough to nearly replace my salary and since there aren't that many high paying positions in this area, let alone IT ones, we will most likely end up moving. I mentioned in a previous post how we're already not too fond of living here. Gregg isn't very happy in his current position either. We both feel he can and should be paid what he deserves, but for as long as I've known him he hasn't been. I keep encouraging him not to settle. He has years and years of experience in this field, and should be recognized for that.

So another job in probably another state is what we're considering. We've even contemplated moving back to New Jersey. I don't know what God's plan is for us. I thought I knew. But after two moves for jobs with ministries that didn't work out, I don't know anymore. I am so confused right now, and desperately seeking the Lord's direction and guidance. I don't feel as if I'm getting a sense of peace about any one direction. I hate feeling this unsettled and unsure.

Another thing I'm struggling with too, is that we still haven't found a church to call home. This area is saturated with churches, but they're all so... lifeless. There's no passion. I want to be inspired and challenged. I want to be moved. I will not settle for a spiritually ho-hum life. I won't for myself and for my children. That's another huge reason to move also.

I want us to make the best decision possible for our family and future, so I'm open to whatever door God wants us to walk through. But- even though we don't want to stay in this place long term and it's best that we relocate, I've still become attached to it. And the thought of moving and starting over for the third time in almost three years just overwhelms me. How many times can we do this???

These are the thoughts that have been running through my head for the past several weeks. I continue to pray that God points us in the right direction.

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