Wednesday, April 01, 2009

The Winter Wedding Story

So, Angela has asked me to share the story of why Gregg and I were wed in the frigid month of January. The sweet, poor unsuspecting girl.

Got an hour? Or two??

We were originally planning on getting married the last Saturday in May. However, it just so happened that my mom was going to be remarried this same year at the end of April. She felt that our wedding date was too close to hers. She actually told me that she didn't think it would be fair to ask friends and family members to attend two such big events practically back to back, and would I be willing to consider pushing back my wedding to maybe sometime in the summer or fall?

So I go to Gregg (who, bless his heart doesn't back out even though he's slowly beginning to realize just what kind of mother-in-law he's getting) with the idea. He says he does not want to get married during the really hot summer months because the thought of sweltering in a rented tux for ten+ hours is less than desirable. He also does not want to push our wedding date back any further than that, since it would then be about a year away and he didn't want to wait that long to marry me (awww, how sweet). He thinks my mom is being unreasonable and that I should tell her so.

So we're back to May 31. I tell my mother that after discussing it with Gregg, we've decided to stick with our original date. She's not happy. At all. Have I mentioned previously that she wasn't thrilled about me getting engaged to begin with? She thought I was too young at 23 (she was married at 21) and that I hadn't dated Gregg long enough (we had only been together about two months).

She is adamant that my wedding be far enough from hers where it won't "cause any conflict for relatives". I go back to Gregg and explain the situation. He begins to get frustrated that I'm caving in to her pressure. By now I'm feeling torn between pleasing my overbearing mother and my fiance. Gregg and I get into our first real fight. I think very seriously about eloping.

A week went by without us nailing down a date. It was the beginning of October and we had gone out to dinner like usual. Over Italian, we talked about when the blessed event would actually take place. We went back and forth, throwing around every single weekend in 2003 it seemed. Then I had an epiphany. I said, "Why don't we just get married in January?"

And the angels sang.

It was perfect. Far enough away from my mom's wedding and we wouldn't have to wait so stinkin long to be hitched. We settled on the 11th because my sister and another bridesmaid would still be home from college on winter break.

I pitched the idea to my mother. She almost had a heart attack. I think she would have been more okay with us getting married in May at that point. To say she flipped out is an understatement. She said there was no way I could put together a wedding in three months. And don't you know that's only three weeks after Christmas? What if it snows?

I was pretty irritated and asked her what she expected me to do when she was making it near impossible to pick a date that suited everyone. I told her we were getting married in January, and that was that. She backed down, but did make sure to mention that she wouldn't be able to contribute anything cost-wise since, after all she was planning her own wedding.

Whatever, that was fine. We paid for the whole thing by ourselves (and it turned out pretty darn good), except for the flowers which my stepfather was actually nice enough to offer. Gregg's parents ended up giving us a check for about half the total we spent, which was a huge blessing.

My mother did the same thing to me last year when she chose not to throw me a baby shower, because my sister was getting married in July and again she did not want to burden family with having to attend two big events so close to one another. Gregg's parents once again picked up the slack, though. My mother-in-law and sister-in-law planned and hosted a shower for me. I found out later on that my mom was even reluctant at first to give my MIL a list of our relatives to invite.

This is why my mom and I have such a poor relationship. She is a very hurtful and selfish person. She only does things when they're convenient for her. She would rather "save face" with our extended family members than choose to celebrate a special occasion in her daughter's life.

I do not spend time with her alone anymore because the words that come out of her mouth leave me devastated. Long before Colton was even born, Gregg & I decided that our kids would never spend the night at her house because we don't want her negatively influencing them. We visit now and then, as a family, and that's really only after my mom hounds me to come see her.

I don't wish my mother harm. I do pray for her and try to show her Jesus the best I can. But I distance myself from her for obvious reasons. I've come to a point in my life where I need to protect myself and my family, which is now Gregg and Colton.

So that is the long-winded version of why my anniversary falls in January, instead of May. All because my mom threw a hissy fit.


erin said...

Oh my gracious, what a story! And I thought my mom was a little overbearing. Yikes.

I'm so sorry you have struggled with your relationship with your mom so much--I can only imagine how difficult it is. :(

But I'm glad you and Gregg still had the perfect wedding!


Angelarae said...

Oh my goodness. I'm SO glad my mother isn't like that.

I'm sorry to hear how much you struggle with your relationship with your mother.

I think it's wonderful you and Gregg STILL had a wonderful wedding - and a wonderful marriage :)

Maria D. said...

I hate to say it, but your mom sorta annoys me. I don't know her, but that post just gave me a bad taste for her. Sorry you have to deal with that.