Updates (Creative Title, Right?)

Guess what I'm wearing right now? My favorite pair of pre-preggo jeans!! That's right, I tried them on the other morning and they actually fit. They had been relegated to my bottom dresser drawer since last March. So I have a little secret to confess: I've been wearing maternity jeans all this time. (Hanging my head in shame). After having Colton, my tummy is a lot less toned than I'd like it to be. I haven't exactly done much to change that situation over the past six months, however.

I think I avoided trying on any pair of regular pants because I was resigned to the fact that I just wouldn't fit into them. But it was time to bite the bullet. I had grown too comfortable in jeans that didn't require buttoning or zipping, and there is a problem with that. So they're still a little tight and I still have several pounds to lose to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight, but they do fit and yes I can even sit in them!

Speaking of it being six months since Colton was born, I can't believe he's this old already. Every day he looks less baby and more boy. When I put him in a sitting position, he'll stay there for a little while until he leans too far forward and flops over onto his side. He's finally learned how to roll over. This morning I found him in the crib on his stomach, and he was whining for me to rescue him since he hates being on his tummy. I was so excited I called Gregg in to look before picking Colton up.

I think my little man is teething, too. He is drooling like crazy and chewing on everything he can get his hands on. He's also crankier than usual during the day and turning up his nose at being spoon fed. I've busted out the teething ring and book for him to gnaw on to soothe his gums. I know it could still take another month or two before that first tooth makes its appearance, so I hope Coltie isn't in too much discomfort.

In other news, we've had to replace our minivan recently. It crapped out on us two Fridays ago when Gregg was backing it into the driveway. He borrowed his mom's car to take back and forth to work while we explored our options for another vehicle. We ended up purchasing a 2005 Ford Freestyle, which is slightly smaller than a regular sized SUV. It still has plenty of room for a car seat and stowing, just no sliding doors that we both loved on the van because it made getting the baby in and out so easy.

Gregg had bought our van at auction last March with about 152,000 miles on it, and it was just supposed to be an "around the town" car. I was only commuting three minutes each way to work then too. All the trips back and forth to North Carolina and New Jersey last year, as well as Gregg's hour ride to work every day since January, took their toll on on our poor Windstar and it just gave out. We were hoping to get another few months out of it so we could save up more money to first buy a second car for me and then replace the van later.

So now I have to wait a little longer before I'll have a vehicle of my own to go around town with, which I'm bummed about. At least the weather will be getting warmer soon and I can take Colton for walks in the stroller, so we won't be cooped up in the house all the time. My friend Laura has also offered to pick me up on Wednesdays for the ladies' Bible study at church. She couldn't go this morning because one of her girls is sick, but since we still have my mother-in-law's car I went by myself. It was nice to get out and join other women for prayer & Bible teaching. Colton was really good in nursery, and everyone oohed and aahed over him. It was a bit of a struggle to carry him from the car to the church because he is getting so heavy. I think we'll be replacing his infant carrier with the bigger car seat by spring.

Well, it's time for me to get him up from his nap and feed him again! More pictures will be posted soon...

Happy 6 Month Birthday Colton

Dear Coltie,
My how time flies. You're half a year old already! It seems like only yesterday we were welcoming you into the world. I remember seeing you for the first time and thinking how perfect (and tiny!) you were. I couldn't believe something so beautiful and amazing was actually mine. I just marveled at how wonderfully and fearfully you had been made.

Those first few weeks were strange and difficult as I tried to navigate my new role as your mommy. But we made it through them together just fine. Now it feels like you've been in our lives forever. It's hard to remember what life was like without you. You bring me such joy every day as I watch you grow and develop. You are constantly taking in the world around you, eager to learn new things. I enjoy introducing you to new toys, books, music, food. I love holding you at night before you fall asleep. I love seeing you smile and laugh when I sing, make funny faces, or tickle you. Your laugh is the best sound in the world.

At six months, you are exploring everything. Grabbing everything in sight, including the dinner plates and utensils! You love to watch Tess and are fascinated by every move she makes. You can almost sit up all by yourself. You have a hearty appetite and have mastered the art of eating with a spoon. You like to hold your bottle while I'm feeding you, too! You have started to realize that you have hands and they can help you do all sorts of neat things.

Colton, you are loved so much. By me and your daddy, your grandparents, Jesus. I thank God for you every day and pray that you will have a personal relationship with the One who created you. I pray that you will keep your child-like wonder and won't let fear stop you from pursuing your dreams in life.

I look forward to watching you grow up more over these next six months. You are very, very special, and I am so blessed to have you as my son.

Love,
Mommy

Interview Meme

Okay, so courtesy of Brittny, here’s my interview…

But first here are the rules:

If you would like me to interview you, just leave a comment and I will email you the questions! Here are the directions:
1. Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.”
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. (I get to pick the questions).
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

And now, Brittny’s questions for ME:

1. How did you and Gregg meet?

We met seven years ago on Yahoo Personals (go ahead and laugh). I had just moved back home after finishing graduate school and thought it would be fun to post an ad and "see what happens". I was very specific about what kind of person I was looking for and what kind of values he needed to have. About a month later, I received an email from Gregg saying that he saw my profile and included a short blurb about himself. We wrote back and forth for almost a week and exchanged pictures before I decided I would show up at his church one Sunday, you know, since I was "looking for a church to get involved in close to home". I brought a friend along and waited outside with her after the service so Gregg & I could meet in person for the first time. He later told me that he figured if I turned out to be a psycho or something, I'd probably never be able to find him there again since it's a church of about 10,000 people! So we're standing there and eventually I hear a voice from behind me say "Are you Marisa?" (I must have been incredibly obvious looking). I whipped around to find Gregg wearing a yellow shirt like me (we hadn't planned this), and my friend said we should take a Sears picture. We talked for a little while and he said he would email me later that evening to set up a date sometime that week. I knew after that conversation I was going to marry him. And almost exactly six months later, I did!

2. How have you surprised yourself over the last year?

By the way I've stood up for myself more, both professionally and personally. At my last job, I worked with some very tough kids who were in the foster system. A few were absolute sweethearts, but there were also those ones that could be rude and disrespectful a lot of the time. I'm normally a push-over, but I was faced with situation after situation where I had to confront their behaviors and let them know it was not okay to treat me the way that they were. In my personal life I've had to put my foot down more than once recently with my own mother, who has always been difficult to deal with. I have needed to stand up for my beliefs and establish boundaries with her, as well as say when she did something hurtful towards me.

3. What's a typical day like for you?

Wake up around 6am, see Gregg off to work, jump in shower. After getting dressed, I'll wake Colton up if he isn't up already and feed him and get him ready for the day. Throw in a load of laundry next. Then while he's playing at the kitchen table in his hook-on chair, I'll eat breakfast and check email/blogs. I'll try to get some housework done while Colton is taking his first nap of the day. When he wakes up, I fix him some cereal and a bottle, change him, read a story, set him down in his walker (usually) to play while I move laundry and get some more housework done. Then it's time for lunch and shortly thereafter another bottle for Colton along with, you guessed it, another diaper change. Are we having fun yet? Then I play with Coltie for a little while and move onto folding and ironing clothes. He usually takes another nap at this point. If I have time, I might check out some more of my favorite blogs or post to my own before making dinner and giving Colton his final bottle along with fruits or veggies. Then Gregg comes home, we eat (usually while the baby shrieks to get out of his chair), I put Coltie to bed, watch some tv, go to sleep. Then wake up the next day and do it all over again. Ah, the exciting life of a suburban stay-at-home mom.

4. What are you most proud of?

Becoming a mom almost six months ago, and battling & overcoming what I think was a mild case of PPD. When Colton was still a teeny tiny helpless newborn, I doubted that I would ever be capable of being the mother he deserved. But now I know I am, and while it's sometimes exhausting and frustrating taking care of him, I'm very proud to do it.

5. Who do you have a celebrity crush on?

I don't know... I've always thought Brad Pitt was very attractive. Not so much anymore since he decided to dump Jennifer Aniston and marry Angelina- could you have made a worse choice?

Legacy

Well, it's snowing again. BIG surprise. Sometimes it feels like this winter will never end. I have literally ached for spring to be here these past few days. I've come to the conclusion that when (and if) I decide to have another baby, it will not be during winter! Being shut up in the house for most of the week doesn't help break up the winter doldrums, either.

I was relieved to get out on Saturday with Gregg and Colton for a while. We went to Babies 'R Us (my husband's favorite place, ha) so that I could finally return some items we received during the summer at my baby showers. The amount was added to the gift cards we already had, totaling nearly $100. I decided to get some new clothes for Colton with the gift card, along with a baby gate. I can't believe we're actually almost at the point where one of those will come in handy!

Afterwards, we dropped by Grandma's for a pit stop because we were (sort of) in the neighborhood. I changed and fed Coltie there, and we stayed for over an hour, longer than we meant to. On the way home, we stopped at Outback for dinner. I had been looking forward to a dinner out the whole week. We reworked our budget after Gregg got his first paycheck, and decided that we would allow one meal out each week.

We were kinda hesitant to bring Colton along and considered leaving him with Gregg's parents, since he was getting rather fussy. The best of intentions... We actually got to the restaurant early enough that there was no wait yet, and settled into a booth towards the back. Colton was okay for the first five minutes or so in his carrier, then wanted out. Gregg offered to hold him until our dinner arrived. He ended up trying to eat his dinner with one hand while holding the baby with the other, because our son wasn't happy any other way. All seemed to be going well until Colton began screaming and was not content to sit on his daddy's lap anymore. Gregg had to get up and bounce him, then came back to the table. This continued a couple more times until we just gave up and aborted our attempt at a nice, civilized dinner.

We had our food wrapped up, quickly paid the check, and left. Gregg was stressed, I was stressed, and we ended up getting into an argument on the way home while Colton wailed in his car seat. We settled the matter later over ice cream from Dairy Queen after I put the baby to bed. Dates are hard to come by these days, that's for sure.

The next day we made it out to church. For the first time in five weeks! I confess we hadn't gone to church at all the entire month of January. Since Christmas Eve, to be exact. One of us was sick (and then got sick again), and last week there was no way we could have made it to Gregg's company outing if we had gone to service. It was so good to be in church again. Not because I think skipping church is necessarily sinful, it's just always refreshing to be in the company of other believers. To worship God with our voices. To hear God's word spoken and preached. A few people stopped us and said how it is a blessing to have us in their congregation again. And we responded that it is a blessing to be back.

After the particularly frustrating and stressful evening we had the night before, it was wonderful to be ministered to in the church that has always felt like home to us. Colton was even "as good as gold" in nursery. Ha, if they had seen him only 15 hours beforehand.

It was important for us to be in service, I think because more than anything it reminded me of who I am. Who I am in Christ, I mean. I am a mother and a wife of course, but I'm also a Christian. I believe I've been called to live out those roles in a Christ-like fashion. I'll admit, I haven't been feeling very "Christ-like" lately. The weeks have just zoomed by in my life these past few months without much time devoted to prayer or Bible reading. I have become convicted recently that my child doesn't stand a chance against the powers of this world if I'm not praying for him. Speaking God's word and truth over him. Daily.

Every day after Colton's second feeding and changing, I read to him a little bit. He has a sizeable collection of books by now, including Curious George and The Eric Carle trilogy (author of "The Very Hungry Caterpillar"). He even has a "My Adventures with Winnie the Pooh" book with him written in as one of the characters. Noticeably missing from this collection however, is a Bible. This struck me the other day, and I made it a point to get one for him (in a child's version).

When we showed up at Gregg's parents' house for Sunday dinner this weekend, my MIL had a gift for Colton as she frequently does. With some "help" from his cousin Kate, Coltie opened the package revealing... a picture Bible! I'm so glad I can start to introduce my son to Bible stories, even at this tender young age. He needs a firm foundation in his early years, because as he grows older there will be so many other things vying for his time and attention.

I've recently picked up "When Mothers Pray (God Listens)" by Cheri Fuller. I received it as a gift back in September, and it's been sitting in the small basket placed beside the glider ever since. Of all the countless things I can teach my child, I want the most important thing to be that he was created for a relationship with the God of this universe. I have to think about the kind of legacy I want to leave for my children. Is it the one of worry and anxiety my mother passed on to me? I don't think so.

An Afternoon Out

This weekend, Gregg and I went out alone for the first time together since Colton was born. Gregg's company sponsored an employee outing to a men's college basketball game, and we dropped Colton off at my in-law's on our way. Before the game which was held at the newly built Prudential Center, home to the NJ Devils, we enjoyed a nice buffet lunch in a private VIP area. Not only did they provide lunch and the free tickets, they also gave each employee $20 to spend at the concession stand.

Just before 2pm we made our way down to our seats, only a few rows away from the court. I didn't pay much attention to the game, except for the last several minutes of the second half. It actually got pretty exciting towards the end, and Seton Hall ended up beating Georgetown 65 to 60. Even though I wanted to, I refrained from checking in on Colton until we got back to the car. He did really well the whole afternoon, which I was very happy about. I had been a little concerned because lately he doesn't want to be with anyone other than me or Gregg. My MIL said that he finished everything she gave him to eat, took two naps, and hardly cried. When we arrived at their house, I took him from my FIL right away and showered him with lots of kisses.

Even though I missed my Coltie, I'm really glad Gregg and I could enjoy a day out. We needed to spend some time alone and reconnect as a couple, without the baby's screams interrupting our conversations. I'm also glad I was able to meet so many of my husband's co-workers. He comes home every night and tells me all about his day and who did what, and it's nice to put faces to names. I also feel a little more included in his "world" now. Since I started staying home full-time, I've felt somewhat disconnected from the rest of the working population.

Gregg is really happy with this new job, and after meeting the people he works with, including the VP and president of the company, I feel even more confident that this is a great place for him. The employee event they put on yesterday was so different than either of us are used to. We're familiar with the (sorry) cheapness of the two churches Gregg has recently worked for, who would hesitate to spend money on a new box of pens. Okay, I'm exaggerating of course. But the difference is quite staggering. At both Covenant and King Street, my husband had to share office space with another staff member. The fact that he might actually need his own office to do his job efficiently was an afterthought. Where he works now, they are completely redoing his office- they've cleaned the carpet, painted, and ordered new furniture. He was even asked what kind of artwork he wants hung up on the walls. Gregg finally feels valued and respected as an employee with a company who desires to do things the right way.

In Colton news, my little boy has become very interested in exploring the world around him. He stares at the dog while she's gnawing on a chew toy and then follows her with his eyes when she walks away. He gets all happy when she comes up close to him. He must think she's a giant stuffed animal. Colton also gets excited when the music starts playing on the car tray attached to his walker. He hasn't quite caught onto the fact that he can make the music go by pressing different buttons yet. He'll flail his arms and legs as if trying to dance and shriek very loudly. It's so cute (and ear piercing!)

He also likes when I sing to him, and it's not because I have such an incredible singing voice. Whether it's an old nursery rhyme or the latest pop song, he gets a kick out of my attempts to perform for him. I've usually found that whenever he's crying about something, a rendition or two of "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" can distract him long enough for me to finish changing his diaper or preparing his bottle.

Here are some pictures (of course!) of Colton's daily activities:


Keeping a watchful eye on Tess


He fell asleep playing with a toy... it looks like he's praying here!


My little cutie- nice drool, huh? Don't worry, he usually does wear a bib.

Hard Confessions

Lately, there is a wave of pregnancies in the blogosphere. Several fellow bloggers have either just recently announced a pregnancy or are getting ready to have their babies. Gregg and I have talked about trying for our second when Colton is about a year and a half old, so that our kids will be roughly 2 1/2 years apart.

Sometimes though, I honestly struggle with the idea of having another baby. I do want at least two kids and for Colton to have a brother or sister so he's not the only child. I'm just not sure I ever want to endure another C-section and all the emotional stuff I went through right after giving birth. The Cesarean was more painful and uncomfortable than I had anticipated it being, and there's a very high likelihood that I'll have to have another one since most doctors discourage VBACs.

My image of having the baby held close to my face in the OR right after he was delivered didn't happen. Instead, he was cleaned up, dressed, and went back to our room with Gregg who then handed him off to me after I was stitched up. I struggled with breastfeeding and felt like a failure when it didn't go right. After giving up and switching to formula exclusively, I continued to beat myself up about it for the next three months. There wasn't much physically I could do for Colton while I was still recovering from the surgery, and then I wasn't even able to do the one thing that would have been my sole responsibility. I felt like I was failing as a mother and disengaged from the baby that had grown inside me for the last nine months.

All this came as a complete shock to me because for as long as I could remember, I wanted to be a mom. I loved being pregnant and had a very easy pregnancy. Planning for Colton's arrival was one of the most special times of my life. I just assumed everything would fall into place naturally. When it didn't, I became depressed. The pain and discomfort from the C-section only made things worse. I'd like to think that after enough time passes, I'll forget all about what I went through and be eager to try for #2. Part of me also thinks that what I experienced was just the result of not being prepared, and now that I know what to expect things will be much better the second time around.

And even if they're not, I should be able to endure a week or so of crappiness for the sake of bringing another human being into this world. It's just one week compared to a whole lifetime. So many couples can't get pregnant and would give anything to have a baby naturally. There are those who have lost children. And here I am, contemplating throwing that choice and opportunity away. I have also thought about adopting our next child. There are thousands of kids out there who need a good home and loving parents. Why not provide this for a child who would otherwise grow up in an orphanage or in the foster system, if we have the means?

Don't get me wrong, I love Colton and being a mom is great. I enjoy watching my son grow and develop and interact with us. I post a ton of his pictures and brag on him every chance I get. I find it extremely difficult to write about this kind of thing because it makes me sound like I'm not grateful to be a mother or something. This isn't the sort of stuff A Baby Story is made of.

I know I don't have to decide what to do today. I also know that Gregg is fine with whatever decision I do make. He's all for adoption and has said before that there are so many kids already who need parents so why not adopt. Three of his cousins are adopted and they are just as much a part of his family as if they had been born in. Having and raising any child is a privilege.

I wish the days immediately after Colton's birth hadn't been so difficult and wonder all the time what, if anything, I could have done to make them better. I wish they weren't so difficult that I would even contemplate getting pregnant again just to avoid going through them a second time. Life doesn't always turn out the way we expect, though. Whether we conceive another child or adopt one, he or she will be very much loved and a part of our family.

Now that Colton is almost halfway through his first year, things are so much better than they were when he was a newborn. He was a total stranger to me those first few weeks, and I was overwhelmed with the responsibilities of taking care of him. If anything would make me want to have a second child, it's the one I already have. Seeing this beautiful little boy grow a bit more every day and knowing that he came from me is an amazing experience, one I'm looking forward to continuing on into his childhood and young adult years. That is the only thing that can make the pain and struggle worth it. Colton is a fantastic baby, and we'd be blessed to have another just like him.

5 Months Old!

My little boy is five months today. He's growing up so fast and adding new skills every day to his repertoire. Colton is at such a fun stage now, where he squeals out loud and eagerly grabs for the toys we put in front of him. He is experiencing something new all the time, whether he tries a new food, plays with a new toy, or I read him a new story.

I think he'll be sitting up on his own pretty soon! Colton doesn't need as much "propping up" when I put him in the hook-on chair we have at the kitchen table, and he can sit on my lap without me holding him for several seconds. He still protests tummy time. The only time he actually doesn't mind it is when he's laying on me. It's so much fun to put him on my tummy and make faces at him. I just have to watch for drool. :)

I think I fall more in love with him every day. How can you not love this adorable face??

Another Fun Meme

A while ago, my blogging buddy Erin tagged me for the following meme. The rules are that you are to bold/change the color on each of the below that apply to you, then tag 4 more people and let me know when you've posted! Now, I copied this directly from Erin's blog and noticed that #11 is missing. Is it supposed to be? And do I get a prize for noticing that it's not there?

1. Started your own blog

2. Slept under the stars

3. Played in a band (orchestra)

4. Visited Hawaii

5. Watched a meteor shower

6. Given more than you can afford to charity

7. Been to Disneyland

8. Climbed a mountain

9. Held a praying mantis

10. Sang a solo

12. Visited Paris

13. Watched a lightning storm at sea

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch

15. Adopted a child

16. Had food poisoning

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty

18. Grown your own vegetables

19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France

20. Slept in an overnight train

21. Had a pillow fight

22. Hitchhiked

23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill

24. Built a snow fort

25. Held a lamb

26. Gone skinny dipping

27. Run a marathon

28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice

29. Seen a total eclipse (solar)

30. Watched a sunrise or sunset

31. Hit a home run

32. Been on a cruise

33. Seen Niagara Falls in person

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors

35. Seen an Amish community

36. Taught yourself a new language

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person

39. Gone rock climbing

40. Seen Michelangelo’s David

41. Sung karaoke

42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt

43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant

44. Visited Africa

45. Walked on a beach by moonlight

46. Been transported in an ambulance

47. Had your portrait painted

48. Gone deep sea fishing

49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person

50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris

51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling

52. Kissed in the rain

53. Played in the mud

55. Been in a movie

56. Visited the Great Wall of China

57. Started a business

58. Taken a martial arts class

59. Visited Russia

60. Served at a soup kitchen

61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies

62. Gone whale watching

63. Got flowers for no reason

66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp

67. Bounced a check

68. Flown in a helicopter

69. Saved a favorite childhood toy

70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial

71. Eaten caviar

72. Pieced a quilt

73. Stood in Times Square

74. Toured the Everglades

75. Been fired from a job

76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London

77. Broken a bone

78. Been on a speeding motorcycle

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person

80. Published a book

81. Visited the Vatican

82. Bought a brand new car

83. Walked in Jerusalem

84. Had your picture in the newspaper

85. Read the entire Bible

86. Visited the White House

87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating

88. Had chicken pox

89. Saved someone’s life

90. Sat on a jury

91. Met someone famous

92. Joined a book club

93. Lost a loved one

94. Had a baby

95. Seen the Alamo in person

96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake

97. Been involved in a lawsuit

98. Owned a cell phone

99. Been stung by a bee

100. Read an entire book in one day

Now I'm going to tag Sarah, Libby, Amy, and Christina! Have fun. :)

Weekend Recap, or Just Another Lame Post Title

Gregg and I actually had our first real weekend together in a long time. By that I mean, it was like an actual weekend because it was a break for Gregg from work. He finished up his first week at the new job and is thrilled with it. I am so happy for him.

Our anniversary was pretty low key. We went to my in-laws' as planned for Sunday dinner and they had a cake and cards for us. Gregg is sick with a cold (he got it from me and Colton right before he left for Michigan) so he didn't feel up to celebrating much. We did get Colton off to bed early and were able to spend some alone time before falling asleep around 9:30! Wow, what party poopers. The day before we ventured out in the snow to the mall and had lunch at Panera. Not one of our more brilliant ideas, but we thought we could stay ahead of the weather. However, on our way home we started sliding on the road. Thankfully we didn't end up on the other side of the highway or in the trees somewhere.

Except for the snow and it being freezing, it was nice to get out of the house. We only have one car now so while Gregg's at work, I am stuck without a vehicle. We sold our other van, the one that was in the accident last February, before we moved back to New Jersey. It surprisingly held up pretty well all that time without any repairs. Anyway, I don't really have any burning desire to go out in this frigid weather with a baby anyhow. Our plan is to get a second car eventually with the money we're saving on rent.

Well, that was our extremely exciting weekend. You're all jealous, aren't you?? More pictures and a meme to follow...

Six Years and Counting

Gregg came home from his trip Wednesday night, a little later than expected because of the icy conditions here in Northern NJ. I was so glad to see him again. I hate when he goes away, but the reunion is always oh, so sweet. Gregg didn't have to be into the office until 1oam the next day, which was nice. He had a very good first day at work. I really hope this job is everything he wanted. He's had some bad experiences the past few years, and it made me wonder if he was ever going to get a break.

It was around this time last year that everything started to go south at King Street Church. They wanted my husband to put in more hours and work harder, meanwhile he was already working over 50 hours a week with no overtime, busting his butt and hardly getting to see me. How could he possibly give more than he was already giving? The day he returned to work after our Christmas vacation, the senior pastor gave him an ultimatum: do better and work more or turn in your resignation. There was really no choice at that point. Having just found out we were expecting Colton, there was no way Gregg could continue working all those hours and sacrificing family time. It was a major disappointment. The worship pastor he worked directly under threw him under the bus big time. He knew it, everyone knew it. But instead of making a big stink, Gregg just quietly walked away.

He took a pay cut to go work for a "friend" next just so he'd have something. But this so-called friend was running his business into the ground and losing money- fast. Towards the end he didn't have enough to even make payroll. More empty promises, more disappointment, more worrying about finances.

But- I'm not going to dwell on the past. What's done is done, and Gregg now has a fabulous job and we're back where we should be. Our anniversary is this Sunday. Six years, three moves, and one child later here we are. Our marriage has been tested over and over with the curve balls life has thrown us. We've grown apart, grown closer, fought, laughed, cried, and prayed.

I've been thinking lately how our relationship has changed now that we're parents. There's less time for romance and meaningful conversations. Activities and outings all revolve around Colton's schedule. We can't be as spontaneous as we used to be. During the time Gregg was in Michigan, we couldn't really talk until after Colton was down for the night because he'd start to scream in the middle of our phone call, and I'd have to go take care of whatever he wanted. We're no longer just husband and wife; we're also Mommy and Daddy.

I'm trying to find that balance between being a mom and being a wife. Meeting Colton's needs and Gregg's needs, while also giving myself some time in between is not easy. I'll be honest, I do miss it being just the two of us. I've resolved to put more effort into our relationship and plan more "alone time" so our marriage stays fun and fresh.

Since we haven't seen very much of each other this past week, I'm so glad it's the weekend and Gregg will be home with me and Colton for the next two days. We don't have anything fancy planned for Sunday. We'll go to my in-laws' after church like we usually do and enjoy a nice dinner. Maybe put Colton to bed early. So we can watch our wedding video and ponder the true meaning of marriage, of course. Why, what were YOU thinking?

No post would be complete without some pictures of our sweet little boy. Here you go:















Meeting Pooh Bear for the first time.
















Hmmm, I wonder what he tastes like.
















Mom, do I really need to eat this stuff??
















All gone! I got more of it on my face than in my mouth, hee hee.

A Little of This and That

Well, it's just the two of us. Okay, three if you count the dog. Gregg left at 5:30 this morning to catch his flight to Michigan for his new job, and he'll be back sometime Wednesday night. We've been home together now for over a month, so it's weird not to have him here with me. I think with all that togetherness, though, we were kinda getting on each other's nerves.

I know my husband is excited to start work, and I'm relieved that we'll have a steady income again. I still hate when he goes away overnight. I don't like being all alone at night in an empty house and sleeping by myself. But it's what we need to do, in order for Gregg to jump start his new career. And it's only two nights.

I had plenty to keep myself busy today, too. I did two loads of laundry, unpacked a few more boxes, dusted, and took care of Colton which always takes up a fair amount of time. It's not hard to take care of him; it's just so time consuming with all the feedings, diaper changes, and "general maintenance".

Now that I'm a SAHM, I need to make sure I still do stuff for myself once in a while. I'm so glad Gregg got me the Gilmore Girls Season 1 boxed set for Christmas so I can indulge in a little carefree, girlyness. The Gilmore Girls is one of my all time favorite shows. I started watching it in college when it first aired and have enjoyed watching the unfolding drama of Lorelai and Rory. I watched the first five episodes over the weekend. There are 21 in total!

I really am enjoying staying home with my son. I don't miss working outside the home. It just gets a bit lonely sometimes. Colton continues to be a pretty easy baby. He still sleeps through the night with no problem and is usually content to just sit in his bouncer or walker with a toy while I'm folding laundry or eating a meal. He only gets really cranky when he's hungry or when I put him down and he still wants to be held.

Colton now grabs EVERYTHING and tries to put it into his mouth. It's so funny watching him try to fit the entire Lamaze cube toy in his tiny little mouth. Then he gets frustrated, like why aren't you going in?? He'll grab a whole fistful of my hair several times a day, which is making me seriously consider cutting it all off. Now I know why most moms have short hair! He will also grab the tabs on his diaper while I'm changing him. It's cute, but it makes changing sessions more difficult because I have to pry one side of the diaper out of his hand and quick fasten it before he grabs ahold again.

He's started making that happy baby squeal, seemingly to nothing in particular, and usually when he is entertaining himself in the crib or bouncy seat. It's so precious to hear. He has also begun doing the tantrum-y cry, which is not so precious. A few times a day, he makes farty noises with his lips and it is hysterical to listen to. He started doing it during Sunday dinner at Gregg's parents and entertained us all!

We've started him on solids and so far, he seems to like the baby food he's tried. The first few times Colton made a face like he just tasted a lemon, but he got used to it pretty quickly. I was surprised when he actually ate an entire jar of sweet potatoes with no protesting. It made his poop orange, though. I can't wait until he has peas for the first time. :)

I've had to put more clothes away that he can't fit into anymore. Colton's already into size 3 diapers and wearing 6-9 month clothes. There are still some 3-6 month outfits that he hasn't outgrown yet. I don't understand the way they size different clothes, because he fits into some outfits in his age range no problem but others are either really tight or too short on him. Anyway, his hair is finally growing! After he lost his newborn hair, it took forever to come back in. It's now a lot lighter than it was when he was born. I wonder if he'll be a blondie like I was as a baby. He still has those beautiful blue eyes, and I hope they stay that way a little longer.

Gotta go get ready for bed... I mean, I have to go get Colton ready for bed now.

Happy 2009!

Wow, where did 2008 go? It seems like just yesterday I was blogging about being newly pregnant and anticipating the year ahead that would bring my baby's arrival. I didn't stay up until midnight to watch the ball drop, as I was experiencing first trimester exhaustion.

What did I do this year to ring in 2009? It was really exciting, let me tell you. It included consoling a sick baby and watching the Next Food Network Star marathon. I know, you are all so jealous. I did actually manage to stay up 'til 12:00am though. Gregg fell asleep around 11pm, then at 11:59 he woke up, turned the tv off, and rolled over to say "Happy New Year" and give me a kiss. 11:59!! We didn't see the stupid ball drop, but I heard it wasn't all that great anyway.

So yup, Colton has another cold. He has been feeling crummy since Saturday night, coughing and sniffling. His temperature was slightly higher than normal for a couple of days also. He's getting better, but now I'm sick. Good times.

I'll be honest, I've been feeling the "Christmas Letdown" for about a week. You know, after preparing for the holidays, along with anticipating gifts and time shared with family, all of a sudden it's over and it's life as usual again. Then you have three long months of winter to look forward to. Yay. It's a lot like how I felt shortly after Colton was born; nine months of waiting and planning, and then suddenly all the responsibilities of taking care of a new baby crashed down on top of me.

I know we'll have a lot to enjoy and celebrate in the coming months, I do. Gregg starts his new job on Monday and that's exciting. We celebrate our sixth wedding anniversary next Sunday. Colton will be turning 1 in August. I'll be 30! Hopefully we can finally stop stressing over finances.

This new year I'm sure will bring it's fair share of joys, sadness, disappointments, and laughter. I'm happy to share it with my husband and baby boy. Speaking of my baby, here are some of my favorite recent pictures of him. Enjoy!















I love this one! It's like he's gazing out the window at the snow.















Look at those chubby legs!















My little reader

2008 In Review

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Had major surgery

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
What resolutions??

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Um, me!!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, thank goodness!

5. What countries did you visit?
None

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
More quality time with God, financial stability

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
July 19 (my sister's wedding), August 14 (my son's birth)

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Becoming a mother

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not always being the loving wife I should be. Not working hard to lose the last 20 of my pregnancy pounds.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nope, I was pretty healthy this past year.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Our minivan and new camera, and all the stuff for the baby. :)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My husband- he was so incredibly helpful when Colton was born and he put up with all of my crazy preggo hormones all those months.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My mom's. She refused to throw me a baby shower, because she didn't want relatives to feel obligated to give me something when they were already spending oodles of $ on my sister's wedding. What?

14. Where did most of your money go?
Things for our newborn son

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The ultrasound where we found out what we were having

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
"No Air" by Chris Brown and Jordyn Sparks

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? happier
b) thinner or fatter? fatter
c) richer or poorer? poorer, monetarily

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Spent more time with friends, gone on more dates with hubby

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Working and worrying

20. How did you spend Christmas?
With our families in New Jersey

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Yes, with my beautiful son

22. What was your favorite TV program?
So You Think You Can Dance, American Idol, The Office, Law & Order, Chuck, Bones

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No, I can't say I hate anyone

24. What was the best book you read?
What to Expect When You're Expecting. Okay, it was the only book I read.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Wow, I really don't think I had any type of musical discovery

26. What did you want and get?
A precious, healthy baby boy and to become a SAHM

27. What did you want and not get?
A "normal" delivery, for Gregg to get a job in North Carolina (actually, I'm glad this last one didn't pan out)

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Get Smart

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Went out for lunch with Gregg, turned 29

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I honestly can’t think of anything

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Can I fit my expanding pregnant belly into it?

32. What kept you sane?
Blogging and listening to music

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
They weren't really celebrities, but I was enthralled with all of the dancers' talent on So You Think You Can Dance.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Most of Obama's political views... in a negative way. I didn't vote for him.

35. Who did you miss?
My friends back in New Jersey and Florida

36. Who was the best new person you met?
Colton Patrick

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
That the grass isn't greener on the other side; just a different shade of green.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"You're gonna miss this, you're gonna want this back. You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast. These are some good times, so take a good look around. You may not know it now, but you're gonna miss this."

Colton's First Christmas

Christmas 2008 was wonderful. The food, fun, and gifts never seemed to stop since it was spread out over three days: we spent Christmas Day at my in-laws', then went to Gregg's aunt & uncle's on his mom's side the next night for their festivities, and finally spent Saturday afternoon visiting with my family at my mom & stepdad's. Santa was very good to Colton. He got lots of new toys, books, and clothes. Of course, this year we had to unwrap the presents for him, but next Christmas he'll be 16 months and really into tearing off wrapping paper to reveal whatever treasure lies inside. Here are some pictures!















Colton in the new walker his grandparents gave him, waiting to open yet another present















Colton gets a hand from Curious George















Gregg with his new toy

Daddy helping Colton open another present

Colton with my dad

Colton and I with our red and green

With my mom

Getting some love from my sister

Us by the Christmas tree

Only 1 More Sleep 'Til Christmas

In less than 24 hours, Christmas Day will be here! The three of us are heading over to Gregg's parents' tomorrow around noon for present opening and dinner. I'm looking forward to spending time with family, eating yummy food, and exchanging gifts. I'm excited to see what Colton gets, too. Today I'll be wrapping presents and doing some house work so I don't have to be bothered tomorrow morning. We're not doing anything big or fancy this evening; just attending our church's Christmas Eve service and having dinner by ourselves at home.

Here's a picture of Colton with Santa that was taken on Saturday at Gregg's aunt & uncle's annual holiday shin dig. He was pretty indifferent to the man in the big red suit. I thought he was going to burst into tears.

Have a very Merry Christmas, everyone! I leave you with some pictures of extra cuteness. Colton is grabbing a hold of everything these days, which makes diaper changing especially difficult now!















"I'm gonna get you, frog!"















"Gotcha!"

One Year Ago Today

I found out I was pregnant with Colton. I had been feeling "off" for a few days leading up to the discovery. All of my symptoms pointed to pregnancy, but I brushed them off. Until I was five days late and couldn't ignore them anymore. On one of our last minute runs to Walmart for Christmas, we also picked up a HPT. My heart was pounding as I took the test, and three minutes later we had our result: Pregnant.

I remember the next day at my work's Christmas party feeling a flutter of excitement and suddenly being cautious about everything I ate and drank. A test at the doctor's a day later confirmed it. While we thought of the way we should share the news with our families over Christmas, we came up with all sorts of ideas- gift wrapping a countdown timer to my due date, giving planners with August 21 tabbed. But Gregg finally decided that we should simply make up a phony back order notice for a package that was "still in processing", and see whether our parents would figure it out.

We could not wait until the gift exchange began so that we'd be able to reveal that we had an extraordinarily special present. Both grandmas figured it out pretty quickly. My stepfather thought we were sending them on a cruise that left in August. Men.

At this time last year, my due date seemed so far away. I wanted to make sure I did everything right over the next eight months, so that my baby would develop and grow properly. And now, he's four months old already. And he is the best thing that ever happened to me, besides meeting my husband and receiving Christ as my Lord and Savior. My son is seriously the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

On 12/18/07 when I discovered I had this life growing inside me, I couldn't wait to meet our child. I was full of joy and excitement that I can't even begin to describe in words. This December 18, I have the gift of sharing my baby boy's first Christmas with him. Being a witness to every new skill he learns and experiencing such pleasure at his smiles and laughter as he interacts with me. I am humbled that God would choose me to care for Colton while he's on this earth. He is the most precious gift I could have ever received.

HE GOT THE JOB!!!

Praise God! Last night my husband was offered the position with the company he really wanted, and they met his salary expectations. He will actually be making 25% more than he was at his last job. Not only is the salary incredible, but there is a great benefits package including full medical, dental, and vision coverage for the three of us, and a 401K which starts right away.

I am so excited for and proud of Gregg that he will finally be earning what he's worth, and in a position that seems made for him. He'll be doing tech support for Jersey Eagle Sales, a large wholesale beverage distribution center in Jersey City (a hop, skip, and a jump away from NYC). They want him to start on January 5, and they're going to fly him out to Michigan at their headquarters so he can learn all the ins and outs of the business. He'll be there for three days, then fly back to New Jersey and start in their office here on 1/8.

And with his salary requirements met (plus quarterly performance bonuses), that means I won't have to go back to work! I can keep being a stay at home mom, which I'm really excited about!!

I'm so glad we won't have to struggle like we have been recently to make ends meet. The money in our account is almost gone. I guess I thought it would last longer than it did. I do have one more paycheck coming on January 2, for an adoption profile I completed at the end of October. It wasn't signed off on by the county by November 30, so it wasn't included in my December check. So we'll have to make our money stretch a bit further for a little while until Gregg gets his first paycheck, but we'll be okay.

God is so good. He has totally blessed and provided for our move back here. Now we have even one more reason to celebrate this Christmas!

O Christmas Tree

We finally decorated the tree yesterday! Better late than never. I set to work fanning out the branches while listening to some Christmas tunes. Then after Gregg put on the lights, I hung the ornaments and wrapped the tree skirt around the base. I couldn't find all of our ornaments out in the garage, so I used what was available and ended up with a very simple yet classic tree. Gregg thinks we may have thrown out the box containing most of the ornaments by accident. I'm hoping it's just buried beneath a stack of other boxes we can't get to right now. I would hate to lose all those memories.

Anyway, here's a few pictures:

Colton and Mommy





















My new favorite ornament

What Christmas Is All About

Recently I've been feeling sorry for myself that, because of our current financial situation, I can't afford to buy Colton a whole bunch of cute outfits and toys for Christmas. Not that he would even know the difference, but as a parent I want to be able to give my child nice things. Yesterday while perusing several of my favorite blogs, I stumbled across this blog, by a young mother whose son went to be with Jesus just sixteen minutes after he was born. It changed my whole perspective on everything.

While I'm not able (right now) to give my baby boy the material things I would like, I still have him here with me. I still get to see and kiss his sweet face every day. Take in his sweet baby smell. I get to witness his smiles and giggles that make my heart melt.

This mom won't ever be able to hold her son again. Her posts moved me to tears, and suddenly the burdens that I'm facing faded away. I can't even imagine the depth of grief she's experiencing.

In this moment, I feel incredibly blessed. I don't think I'll ever take one minute with my family for granted again. I'm so grateful God has given me a beautiful, healthy son and wonderful husband. I'm also grateful for the recent interviews Gregg has gone on, which I'm thinking one at least will certainly turn out fruitful. Gregg received a phone call back today from the VP of a company he interviewed with last Thursday, saying he wants him to meet tonight with the owners who are in town for only a few days. It looks really good for him to get this job, and this is the one at the top of his list too.

Saturday we were able to spend some money to purchase Christmas gifts for our families. We had agreed beforehand with Gregg's brother and sister that all of us buy just one gift for each family, which is a huge cost savings since his sister has four kids! We ended up getting my sister-in-law's family a game for their Wii and my brother-in-law's an outdoor activity set that our 18 month old niece will mostly enjoy. I bought an Italian food cookbook for my sister, and we went with the photos of Colton for our parents and Gregg's grandfather. We actually used pictures we already had and edited them in Picasa. We then ordered a bunch through Snapfish for only $3.40!

I feel really good about our inexpensive purchases, and I'm looking forward to giving them on the 25th. Giving and receiving pricey, elaborate gifts is not what Christmas is all about anyway. We should be focusing on the birth of our Savior, who was and is the best present we could ever receive.

4 Months!

Happy 4 Month Birthday, Colton!!




















Boy, growing older sure is exhausting. :)

13 Days and Counting

Still no closer to decorating for Christmas, but we have decided to do photos of Colton for family members this year. I think we'll try to play photographer and shoot some professional looking pics of him ourselves. Hope they turn out decent.

Thank you all for your kind words and prayers. Yesterday's interview at Budwiser went very well. Gregg should hear something by Tuesday. While I was at the mall, he lined up two more interviews with different companies. He left at 6:00 this morning to catch a bus into Manhattan for his first one of the day, and then he has another in Jersey this afternoon. We are hoping something comes through really soon!

Colton and I had a great time at the mall yesterday. He was a good sport about being pushed around in and out of stores with Mommy. Since I have no money, I didn't buy anything of course, but it was still fun to look. I saw these super cute onesies on sale at Baby Gap, and was so tempted to get them. But I refrained. Hopefully soon we won't have to worry about dropping a few dollars on such a frivilous item.

It was really good to spend some time with Laura. We swapped C-section stories, chatted about our kids, and just caught up on the past three years that I've been away. Since her girls are 3 1/2 and 1, she's able to offer a lot of advice on parenting. All of our friends who got married around the same time as us have kids now. It will be great for Colton to play with them when he gets a little older.

And now for some pictures!

Sticking his thumb in his mouth, one of his favorite things to do now














Chilling out with Daddy, watching tv

2 More Weeks Until Christmas...

I realized this very thing last night, and began to panic a little knowing that we haven't bought a single present for anyone in our family, haven't decorated the tree, haven't baked any cookies, etc. It's a little difficult to get into the Christmas spirit when you are surrounded by boxes everywhere, in various stages of being opened. Moving the day after Thanksgiving when we would normally be picking out and ornamenting our tree, along with getting a jump on gift buying, puts us way behind the 8-ball this year.

We did manage to set up the fake tree in the living room the other night, but that's as far as we got. It's not even our own fake tree. Jim & Laura had an extra one down in the basement that they said we could use. We didn't get the boxes of ornaments and lights out of the garage yet. Sigh. I think we're just going to scatter a few ornaments here and there, throw the tree skirt on, and call it done.

We plan to go Christmas shopping this weekend, but have no idea what to get anyone. Because finances are extremely tight right now, it won't be elaborate. I was thinking of just giving a framed picture of the baby to everybody. Simple, yet thoughtful. I think our version of Christmas will have to be stripped down from years past. For the sake of our budget and our sanity. Every year we run around like chickens with our heads cut off tyring to find the perfect gift for everybody, and end up getting crappy gifts from some people in return. It's ridiculous.

We already know we won't be able to top last year when we announced I was pregnant. At least we won't have to travel, which I'm happy about. I'm still glad we moved here and are close to family. These last few days though, I started to wonder "what in the world were we thinking?", watching the funds depleting from our bank account and my husband still not finding a job yet. He has an interview this morning and another one tomorrow, for jobs that look pretty promising. The one this morning is at a Budwiser distribution plant. Gregg would oversee a lot of the IT components for the plant. He joked that he'll get to take home free beer, which is funny because neither one of us drinks all that much. I think my limit is one drink per year!

Colton is doing much better. He's still a little congested and his right eye runny at times, but he's pretty much back to his normal self. For the past two nights, he has been sleeping in his crib again and not waking up with that awful, scared-sounding scream that jolted me out of bed at least two or three times per night. The Vicks Vaporizer and saline drops worked their magic. He had gotten out of his normal routine while being sick, since I let him sleep whenever he wanted to make up for all the times he woke up overnight. We are going to hang out at the mall this afternoon with Laura and her two little girls. Should be fun just to get out of the house for once!

Celebrate Me Home

This past year has sure brought its fair share of joys and woes. Joy at the birth of our son; woe at losing yet another church and another job, and feeling utterly confused at the direction God wanted us to take. With all the options before us, we finally decided to just move back to New Jersey. It seemed ridiculous, and also so sensical at the same time. Yes, Jersey is still about ten times more expensive than practically anywhere else in the country. And yes, it is the place we were so desperate to leave three years ago. I don't think we really knew what we were leaving behind though. It is also the place where we actually have roots. It's where we grew up, met, fell in love, and got married. Our parents are there. We had the opportunity to be a part of some incredible ministries, too. We figured it was the best thing for us and Colton to be close to family again and attend a church where we're plugged in. The job opportunities are also much, much better and pay more.

So I turned in my two week notice at work, we started packing boxes, rented a moving truck, and Gregg began sending out resumes to companies all over Northern NJ and NYC. He contacted a buddy of his to find out if he knew anywhere to rent that wouldn't break the bank. It ended up that friends of ours who got married the same year as us just happened to have an empty house they said we could live in until we found something more permanent. On Thanksgiving, Gregg's parents drove down to PA after having dinner at his aunt's to help us move.

Bright and early the next morning, we were loading the truck, packing the rest of our stuff, and cleaning. We had to tow the minivan on a dolly behind the truck, unfortunately, because on his way home from putting gas in it the night before, Gregg lost the brakes. It was a really good thing it happened then, instead of sometime on the way to NJ when I would have been driving it with Colton in the back seat. We got the van fixed that Saturday, which set us back about $300. Ugh. When we arrived nearly four hours later, our friend Jim who owns the house we're staying at came to help us move in. We discovered that he and his wife Laura had also bought us groceries and left some money on the counter for whatever else we might need! Gregg and I were just overwhelmed at their generosity.

On Sunday we went back to the church we had attended before moving to Florida, and it was like we never left. I didn't think people would recognize us after all this time, especially now that we have a baby in tow. But walking down the hallway to the sanctuary, we were instantly flagged down by some people who were having coffee in the fellowship hall. Throughout the morning, a lot more people greeted us and said how glad they were that we were there. An announcement was even made from the pulpit that we were back in town. During worship, I looked over at my husband who had tears in his eyes. He is not an emotional guy, but he was so moved by the fact that everybody remembered us and welcomed us so warmly.

It was truly like coming home. We had been such an integral part of that church- Gregg served on the Tech Team, I taught elementary school-aged girls Bible lessons on Wednesday nights, we were involved in a small group, attended adult Sunday School. It was clear to both of us this past Sunday that we had been missed and touched many people's lives. I had really missed our worship experience at GPBC. The people were always so genuine and spirit-filled, always looking for a way to help others and pray with them. They also really value family and children. There are so many wonderful programs for kids. I know Colton will have a solid Biblical foundation growing up in this church.

Recently I had been aching to be a part of this kind of fellowship again, with our church search in Chambersburg coming up dry every time. I kept feeling like more and more of an outsider every one we went to. And here we show up at our old church, and within the first five minutes are blown away by the most incredible reception. I joked that next week it's going to be in the bulletin that we're back.

After service, we went by Gregg's parents for Sunday dinner which is always a treat. His mom cooks enough for an army and the food is excellent. I had really missed that, too. I like that Colton will grow up surrounded by family, knowing his grandparents, aunt, uncle, and cousin. Gregg's brother's daughter, Katelyn, was so excited to see "Coltie". My SIL Liz and I hope they grow up being close since they're only 15 months apart.

The one thing missing here is that Gregg hasn't found a job yet. He's had a couple of good leads and one interview already. We figured he can always work at one of the large computer or electronic retailers in the area in the meantime. We have some money in the bank that will last us a little while. The plan is for me to stay at home with Colton, if we can afford to. If I need to go back to work part-time or something, at least Gregg's mom can watch the baby so we don't have to put him in daycare.

It's really good to be back here. I love being a SAHM. I like the fact that I can just call up a girlfriend and get together for a play date. I did have my doubts, because of the high cost of living, and because of the risk we're taking by not having a stable income source right now. We've struggled financially before though, and have always made it through. God has always taken care of us. We could have moved elsewhere for a guaranteed job, but we'd have had to get used to a whole new area, find a new church, and make new friends all over again. I dreaded the idea of starting over, but I was willing to do it if it meant I could stay at home. I would have been so isolated though. Here, I know the lay of the land and there's no awkward learning curve. I already have friends and plenty of activities at the church to get involved in. There's an amazing women's Bible study on Wednesday mornings, with nursery provided, that I would love to join again.

We have already seen such an outpouring of blessings since our move only one week ago. Now we just need Gregg to land a job!! And for Colton to feel like himself again. My poor baby has been sick with a cold since Tuesday night. It's awful watching him suffer. He's waking up two to three times during the night screaming because he can't breathe. We moved the swing into his room so that he can sleep somewhat upright. He doesn't have much of an appetite, and just wants to sleep and be held. I feel so bad for him. I have to keep using the nasal aspirator (or "snot sucker", as my husband calls it) to clean out his tender little nose, and he hates it. He screams like someone is trying to kill him. Colton also has a case of "goopy eye", which seems to be getting better now thankfully.

I've decided to stay home from church tomorrow and take care of him. It wouldn't be fair to bring a sick baby to the nursery, and I don't want to drag him out into the cold when he already feels so yucky. I'm so glad I'm not working right now, because I feel like a zombie. Since Colton started sleeping through the night at two months, I've been spoiled with a full night's rest. Not so much this week. I should really be catching up on sleep right now while my baby sleeps, but instead I'm blogging. Go figure. :)

The Holidays Are Upon Us

It's been FREEZING here the past couple of days and my favorite radio station has switched over to playing all Christmas music all the time. Yes, that most wonderful time of the year is just around the corner.

We're going to skip the family fanfare at least for Thanksgiving and just enjoy a day off, getting up late and watching the parade on tv, then going to Cracker Barrel like we have the past two years. I wasn't much into the holiday spirit, until it snowed this past Friday. Then all of a sudden, I had to start listening to Christmas songs and mentally devising the family gift list. I am excited for our first Christmas with Colton, even though he can't open his own presents yet. I'm sure we'll take a ton of photos in the month of December alone of him by the tree and in his cute little festive outfits.

I know that everyone is going to want to see Colton around Christmas, and while I do want to show him off, I also don't want to drag him all over the world just so that he can be paraded around. He was one crabby baby the weekend we went up to Jersey at the end of October because we kept interrupting nap time to see yet another person. It's going to be hard to stick to a schedule when we visit family for Christmas, but we're going to try our best.

Colton has been adding some new tricks to his bag lately. He is now blowing bubbles and babbling up a storm! It is so cute hearing him carrying on to himself in his crib before I get out of bed in the morning. And he laughs, too. It is hysterical listening to him do it. Usually, it's his dad that gets him going. Colton's face will light up when he sees Gregg, and he is ready for playtime. He now smiles on his own without any prompting from us. It is the best feeling in the world when my baby boy flashes me a toothless grin, for no other reason than he knows I'm his mommy. We've been adding a little bit of rice cereal to his formula the past couple of days, since he was getting hungry in between feedings. He's been doing great with it, and it looks like we may actually be able to eliminate a feeding or two.

He's still sleeping through the night and not waking up until about 6:30 or 7:00. Sometimes he'll wake up in the middle of the night and fuss for a while, but eventually he soothes himself back to sleep. Colton has started imitating me and Gregg, also. If we make certain sounds or stick out our tongues, he does it too! It is amazing how much he processes now. He's such a fun little guy.

Well, I hope you all have a wonderful and happy Thanksgiving!!






Having a good time with Daddy









Trying to eat his hand

3 Months!

Happy 3 Month Birthday, Colton!!
















It seems like just yesterday my sweet baby boy was born. Now he's entered the second quarter of his first year, leaving 0-3 month clothing and #1 diapers behind in the dust. I swear he grows a little more every day.

It's so cool how he interacts more with me and Gregg now. Now Colton is the one initiating smiles and coos, as if trying to get our attention. He keeps bringing his hands up to his mouth and can hold onto a rattle for a little while when we put one into his hand. He has no idea what to do with it yet, though!

I've been looking back at all the photos we've taken so far of Colton and discovered that there are 803 of them. Gee, do you think he's our first?? I can't get over how good he is. He continues to sleep through the night and stick to the schedule we've put him on, with little variation. He is so easy going and happy. It makes me wonder if we'll be so fortunate with our second one. :)

As for a follow up to my downer last post, I am feeling better. I always feel crappier during the week, and work has a lot to do with it. Sometimes I am so overwhelmed there, and trying not to think about the fact that I miss my son. On Wednesday as I was running out the door to go on one of my visits with a kid, I bumped into a foster parent who asked me how Colton was doing and how I was adjusting back to work. I made polite small talk and then nearly lost it once I got into the car. I keep thinking, lots of mothers work. They do this every day with no problem. Why can't I keep it together?

So I don't really think it's postpartum depression so much as feeling torn between my job and my baby. I'm finding my strength in God these days, because I just don't have it in myself. Every time Colton smiles at me and gurgles makes my day a little less burdensome, too.

It's Friday, but Sunday's Coming

It's taken me an entire week to finally getting around to posting pictures of Colton's first Halloween, but here they are. Didn't he make an adorable Eeyore?

Last Friday, we paid a surprise visit to New Jersey to see our families. They really enjoyed seeing Colton in his costume! We stayed through the weekend and left on Sunday afternoon. Colton got to visit with his cousin Katelyn, who is 17 months old. She was so sweet with him, calling him "Coltie" and giving him kisses. While we were up there, we decided to visit also with our friends who just had a baby girl at the end of September.

Here is a picture that Gregg's mom took of us on our last day in NJ. I think we may use it for our Christmas card this year.

It was a very nice trip, but it threw Colton's schedule off so he was pretty cranky most of the time. I enjoyed having time off from work, and it only made me want to stay at home full-time all the more. This past week I really struggled with being there. When I'm at work, I feel crummy that I'm not with my baby, and when I "work from home" I feel badly that I'm not really getting any work done because I need to take care of Colton.

I have just been a wreck lately. I'm not able to concentrate, I get irritated over the least little thing, I feel like crying most of the time. I'm frustrated we haven't found a church yet, unhappy at my job, just unhappy in general. My moods have really been all over the place. I'm starting to wonder if maybe I have post partum depression. I think I'm still reeling from the plunge in hormones that happened right after Colton was born. I go back on bc Sunday, and I'm hoping it makes me a little more stable.